My topic is mostly healing and therapy. I’m 50 years old and have been in therapy with Ron for over a year now. I have PTSD, and possibly DDNOS, which means my personality is to some degree in pieces, which I call parts. The parts don’t have names, but are referred to by their ages. They are all child parts.

I live in a large North-American city and work as a tech writer.

My T’s name is not really Ron, my name is not really Ellen. Details about other people may be smudged for privacy and names are all changed. Everything else though is true. The therapy sessions I describe are not recorded – they are reconstructions. That does mean that I leave things out, usually because I’ve forgotten, and sometimes I invent bits of dialogue because I can’t remember the actual words we used.

Photos are  my own unless otherwise credited.

Psychodynamic Therapy

I am in psychodynamic therapy. I landed in this by accident and had no real idea what was involved. I was simply looking for help with PTSD symptoms, liked what I read on Ron’s website, and made an appointment. I liked Ron, so I kept going.

Slowly it dawned on me that this therapy was different from others I’d attempted.

Psychodynamic therapy has it’s roots in Freud’s theories of the unconscious and of the importance of the relationship between client and therapist. The theories have changed a lot since Freud’s day, but these basics, that unconscious factors influence our current life, that our family of origin relationships formed our personalities, and that the relationship between client and therapist is a part of the therapy remain.

So I may be going on about how Ron feels about me and how I feel about him – those are legitimate concerns in this type of therapy, though they may seem very off the point to those in other types of therapy.

The other aspect of Ron’s therapy is the importance of allowing buried feelings to emerge. When I access a feeling from my past, however painful and horrendous, the theory is to welcome that feeling if possible and allow it expression. This therapy would not talk me out of feelings that I have, and going through periods of grief and anger is seen as healing and not something to be stopped or fixed.



  1. Nice to see you here. 🙂 Looking forward to reading more. xx

    (did you just start this wordpress blog?)

  2. Ellen said:

    Hi Brandic, Thanks for visiting! I’ve been blogging for a few years actually but just moved over to WP from blogger.

  3. I like psychodynamic therapy. Bar none, my favourite of all the ones I’ve gone through. CBT isn’t so bad but I appreciate the feelings side to pychodynamic therapy.

    • Ellen said:

      I’m kind of fascinated by psychodynamic therapy. Never tried CBT – it seems to be the opposite of this in every respect. Nice to meet you!

  4. Kashley said:

    I hope you’re hanging in there… Big hugs to you. I know you won’t read this for a while, but whenever you’re back and on the mend, I hope it will bring a little brightness to your day to know that you’ve been nominated for the One Lovely Blog award. You don’t have to do anything with it..just know that you and your blog are both very appreciated! Here is the link to the post:

    Warm thoughts to you during this time. xx

    • Ellen said:

      Belated thank you Kashley.

  5. Very courageous blog. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

    • Ellen said:

      Thanks for being interested Laura. Nice to meet you.

  6. hello. I just started a blog to write about my ptsd. i was really afraid to do this, so i’m trying to find other blogs to help inspire me and give me courage. going to follow by email so i don’t miss any.

    • Ellen said:

      Welcome June Bug! Hope you enjoy blogging – I’ve gotten a lot out of it.

  7. It’s interesting, because I have never really done any other kind of therapy aside from psychodynamic. I’ve done it on and off more almost 20 years. I’ve realized it’s mostly been an enormous waste of time and money, and although I did have one therapist who gave me some great practical advice on a difficult work situation, it would have been cheaper and just as effective to take up yoga and spend more time with my cat. But I did it because it was all I knew how to do. I do see a therapist now. I don’t really know what her usual style is, but I just say what I need to say and mostly she just listens. Because I know what I need to say, that is enough to be very helpful to me. I began to see improvement in my own dissociation when I began to work at mindfulness and distress tolerance and also read like crazy to understand the dynamics of the particular type of abuse I experienced. I wish you luck in your journey. I know it’s not an easy one.

    • Ellen said:

      Glad you found what worked for you Ashana. I’m obviously of the opinion that psychodynamic therapy is helpful. I suppose time will tell.

      • I don’t think the fact that it didn’t help me means it can’t help you. I’m sorry if it sounded like that’s what I meant. What I do think is different kinds of therapy help with different kinds of problems, and perhaps psychodynamic therapy offered something I already knew how to do, but not what I didn’t.

    • Ellen said:

      Thank you Cat. I love being nominated for awards and am honoured you picked me. Just I usually don’t participate in the questions / passing them on aspect. Too too lazy I suspect. Cheers

      • Cat said:

        I totally understand about the questions but you still deserve the award!

  8. love your blog. I’m a new follower. We are did and have ptsd too. Never tried psychodynamic therapy, our current therapist does family systems therapy and emdr and humanistic. Again nice blog. XX

  9. Thanks for visiting my page, you have a great blog 🙂

  10. I, too, am a HUGE fan of psychodynamic psychotherapy – it really helps with the deep-seated issues. Thank you for writing so clearly and honestly about it. Not many people understand the process, at least, not where I live in Australia. It’s lovely to read someone else who’s going through similar things.

    • Ellen said:

      Yeah, I also find not many people understand it, so I don’t talk about it much IRL. Good to hear you also are going through this sometimes tumultuous process!

  11. Letsi72 said:

    I have nominated you for the Brave Heart Award. If you would like to accept it, please go to for details.

    Stand Strong You Are Not Alone

    I call you a survivor, because that is what you are. There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are loosing the fight – but you are not. Take the past and heal with it. You are strong. I want you to know that the abuse was not your fault. It does not matter what age it happened. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it, and you did not bring it on yourself. You own no shame, guilt, or remorse. In your life, you have faced many demons but look around you and you will see there is hope, and there is beauty. You are beautiful, You are loved, there is hope. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. You deserve peace and joy in your life. Don’t settle for anything less than that. God has plans for you. Your future does not have to be dictated by your past.

    Each step you take you are not alone.

    Stand Strong.

    The Redheaded Wonderblog

    • Ellen said:

      Thank you Letsi, and sorry for the delay in responding. I appreciate the award. I don’t do awards on this blog, but I still appreciate the thought very much. Nice to meet you here.

  12. thanks for stopping by my blog and leading me to yours. I’ve only read a few things on here so far but i can relate to so much of it. ptsd/ddnos really stinks, doesn’t it? ugh. glad i found you on here. take care of yourself

    • Ellen said:

      Nice to meet you finally. I’ll be following along with your story also. take care

  13. Thanks for following my blog, thereby leading me to yours. 🙂

    • Ellen said:

      Very nice to meet you Sunflower. 🙂

  14. I like your blog and the thoughtful way you write! It’s great that you are in psychodynamic therapy and are exploring things in depth. Thank you for liking my post.

    • Ellen said:

      Thanks for the kind words transformation. I really appreciate your blog, the hard work you put into it, and the way you approach ‘BPD’. I think there is lots of overlap between BPD and what I have, more dissociation and PTSD. And for me also, I think the key is changing the way I relate to people. Which is not an easy or fast process, but it’s something psychodynamic therapy does address. I haven’t commented on your blog, as I don’t have that diagnosis, but maybe I will in future. Great to meet you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s