I’m out

Today first thing I emailed my notice to my manager and big boss. I was so anxious doing this, but going on in this work situation seemed worse. I got no response whatsoever from either one. What a contrast to when I quit a few months ago, when both were falling all over themselves to talk to me and persuade me to stay.

So now I have two weeks to go. J is back to giving me the silent treatment. So I guess I’ll be this invisible person for two weeks which is going to be hard on me. But the main thing is, I’m taking care of myself by letting this job go.

I do wonder how come they thought I was great at my job in the first few months, and now I’m beyond terrible. What changed? I know one thing for sure – my skills stayed the same. My subject matter knowledge actually increased though. I don’t think I’ll ever know. I asked J to show me what she meant when she said the formatting was so very bad, but of course she hasn’t done so. Formatting can slip on it’s own in Word, when documents are passed around. Who knows what she’s talking about.

I now feel somewhat sorry for J. Yes, she’s a horrible boss. But I know she doesn’t have any communications skills, and doesn’t seem to know she doesn’t. I think this makes her life hugely difficult, especially at work. She constantly complains about how over-worked she is, but I think without being able to talk to people and negotiate, you are kind of at the mercy of the winds that blow.

I can’t believe she thought it was fine to tell me so many negative things about myself in the space of fifteen minutes, just because she happened to be feeling angry. I’d think, if you have an employee with performance issues, you’d carefully set up a meeting to discuss, thinking about it first, and come up with some kind of plan to improve. This was just one big vent, her throwing up on me to make her feel better.

Well, I feel calmer. I feel like I’ve taken care of a situation in a grown-up manner, and my life will get a bit better soon. Some environments aren’t meant for some kinds of people – it’s best to get out.


  1. I’m glad you will be done there in 2 weeks. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.

  2. Rachel said:

    I agree, this has been a bizarre situation from the beginning. You gave it a good-faith effort, you really did. I think there are deeper issues at this place, and your decision sounds wise. I hope you do feel calmer soon, Ellen. And that you have a good weekend this weekend.

    • Ellen said:

      It was bizarre. I’m waffling between thinking I have too high a tolerance for bad situations, always thinking about the part I play in it all, and should have left right away. Or else, I take things to much to heart, too personally, and can’t go with the flow, and so should have stayed. I think I will have a better weekend this time, thank you Rachel. I am feeling I made the best decision I could make for me at this point, and that’s a good feeling to have.

  3. Ashana M said:

    J is a really difficult person. I was thinking about this, and she probably sees things in very black and white terms. You were wonderful, You were terrible. She is very reactive and sees things in extreme terms, and maybe you didn’t smile it her right that day. She seems very triggered by shame and errors–she is striving to be the perfect corporate person–and any mistake you make is a reflection on her. So it’s also possible someone didn’t happen to like some work you did, and she would react very strongly to that. It might have even been that she was criticized by someone for an entirely different reason, and then she saw you sitting there and she got angry at you because you have less power than she does and she can. It isn’t you that changed, but for her it does feel that way. I agree that it’s best to get out. It’s a nightmare to work with someone like this.

    • Ellen said:

      She is like that – extreme black and white thinking, and extreme emotions that she feels she must express right away. And I think every time, when she called me into a room to reprimand me for something, she justified it by saying how it looks to others. She is more preoccupied with how things look than any manger I’ve ever had. It does seem that she totally believes whatever her overwhelming emotions happen to be telling her at that moment. It is a very confusing situation. I’m glad at this point I’m getting out, because this is a nightmare for me. I’m constantly triggered and on edge. I know some of it is being triggered myself, as I too have issues. I too am not perfect. Anyway. Thanks for seeing it this way Ash.

  4. Grainne said:

    I’m happy for you Ellen. You gave it a good shot. You stayed through a lot of crap and tried your best to make things work…that it didn’t work out isn’t a failure on your part. It seems as if there are some serious communication issues in that place between leadership, to say the least. Don’t doubt yourself if you can help it. You made the right decision.

    Here’s hoping the two weeks fly by and you find the guilt and stress melting away as each day passes. 😘

  5. Congratulations! It is a good thing to let go of a job situation that makes you miserable for most of your day every day. I say that as someone who knows how scary it is. But I haven’t regretted leaving my job for a single moment (and it’s now been seven weeks).

    J has her issues, for whatever reasons. She’s probably tormented by anxiety. Still, that’s no reason for you (or anyone!) to tolerate being tormented by her. You have a right to decent treatment in the workplace! I’m so glad you are taking care of yourself.

    • Ellen said:

      She is definitely tormented…Thank you Q.

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