Job thoughts

My boss is away for two weeks, and I feel so much better. My co-worker is perhaps struggling, though she never says anything unless I ask her a direct question. She works very closely with our boss, who basically micro-manages her every move. So presumably as I don’t work with this stuff, she’s been left to do my boss’ job. My own job has little to do with my boss, and I manage it myself. If my boss ever gets involved, it’s disastrous.

She pulled me into a meeting room the Friday before she left, and said I am not looking happy, and would I be interested in this job going permanent if she gets that approved? I told her it’s true I’m not feeling positive about the job.

She of course launched into speech. As usual, it wasn’t clear what the upshot of what she was saying was, except it seemed critical of me and my co-worker. When I said I didn’t know what she was talking about, did she mean X – she said no, she didn’t mean that at all. Never did find out what she meant.

Since she didn’t have approval to offer me the job, I didn’t have to accept or decline, so I left things up in the air. Absurdly, I did feel better after we talked. I told her how much her behaviour the past week, where she seemed to be berating me every day for the same problem that happened a week ago, upset me. It doesn’t seem to bother her at all when I say things like this. Which is interesting to me. We seem to throw emotion back and forth and then like each other better afterward.

But – overall, I cannot work for this woman. I’m realizing it just in how much better I feel now she’s not there. I think I could manage the various problems of the job itself, if I didn’t have to manage her personality.

So it seems she is going to offer me this job, unless the big boss thumbs it down. I will decline, unless I can persuade big boss that she really needs me on staff, and that to make that happen, she will assign me to a different manager. I have two in mind that I would like to have as bosses. I actually don’t need a boss, and in any case, none of them has any documentation skills. But both these guys are intelligent, seem reasonable, and are nice to people generally. I’ve worked with them and they’re great.

Who knows if this is possible. It would create problems with my current boss for sure, as she would then only have one employee, and so a lower status.

Younger scared parts of me are so worried I’ll accept the job as is. Because I so deeply do not want another contract, to start all over again from the beginning in a new place, with a new subject matter, with all new people. It exhausts me. I’ve done that for two years now, and I so don’t want to do it again.

But I just must not torture myself by staying in a situation that is continuously bad for me. I won’t do that to myself.


  1. Rachel said:

    Good, I am glad you won’t do that to yourself. I find it very telling, when I am removed from a situation, and immediately feel so much better. Ah, it isn’t just me and my inability to cope, it is the situation. I feel the same way right now with my living situation. I’ve felt really pained about it, and being away now for 10 days with my friend’s dog, I can sleep and feel my stress levels plummet. It isn’t me, it is the situation that isn’t a fit. Wonder why we blame ourselves and try to force ourselves to fit into situations that really just aren’t a good fit. I think it must have to do with how invalidating our parents were. We really see ourselves as the problem, when sometimes things just aren’t good fits. Nothing to do except find a new situation when possible, as possible. The self-judgment and forcing can be left behind. It is hard enough, life, without forcing ourselves to suffer needlessly. Anyways, thanks for sharing, this validates my experience right now, to hear of yours.

    • Ellen said:

      Thanks. Yeah, it’s probably to do with invalidation as a child. Or something. Right now, I’m anticipating asking for a new manager, which makes me feel horribly guilty.

      Glad you found something to relate to here.

  2. We spend so much of our time and give so much of our creative energy to work. It shouldn’t be hell. It just shouldn’t. Whatever you can do to protect yourself from occupational hell, please do it. I am still worried about my financial future, six days into unemployment, but I don’t have any regret about quitting my stressful job. I haven’t really calmed down yet but I have faith (mostly) that I will.

    I hope you feel able to listen to the concerns of those little ones and make sure you end up in a better work situation. You/they deserve it.

    • Ellen said:

      I’m definitely going to do my best. Thanks Q.

  3. I had the same pattern of events and actually ended up following through and asking for a different manager… it worked out – my old boss is still there but now we are equals and I don’t find him as upsetting as I did before. I hope you can find an answer that suits you, and I’m so glad that you won’t make yourself stay in a situation like this.

    • Ellen said:

      Great that this worked for you. I wonder if they’ll give me a new boss or just let me go. Time will tell. Thanks

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