F’ing dental surgery

I want to keep this old blog going, so a quick update. I’ve been MIA a bit. I had dental surgery to remove an impacted wisdom tooth a week ago, and I’ve been laying low and recovering. It’s seemed mostly that all I can do is show up at work, and survive. I skipped therapy last week because I felt it was too much.

Of course the damn surgery triggered out my issues, and that’s been difficult. The surgery itself was fine – I went in, they put me out, woke me up, all was OK. It’s more the recovery that’s been a bit rough. Actually, if only it didn’t trigger stuff, it would be OK. I don’t know.

I think what happens is a very young part of me surfaces and takes over. I’ve had a few issues at work, not being adult enough, though nothing awful. I feel emotional a lot of the time.

Yeah, I feel too bad to really write much about it. It’s hard to describe. As if some awful thing has happened and I can’t tell anyone, maybe.

I’m finished with antibiotics today, thank God. Taking a probiotic and being careful with diet to try and mitigate the damage.

It makes me depressed, this stuff. I can’t explain it, but it’s rough to deal with. I’ll go in and see Ron again this week. When I think of therapy, I think always of loss and lack – the fact that I’ll only see him for fifty minutes anyway, what’s the use. Maybe it’s part of the depression, feeling the dark side of everything. I’m supposed to see a T for fifty minutes, and find important others who want to be around me for the rest of the time.

Writing this out makes the depression more real. Blundering through it without talking to anyone keeps it under wraps more.

Anyway. Today I fried a plantain for the first time ever, and it was pretty tasty. So one good thing. Fried in coconut oil and sprinkled with salt. Yum.

  1. littleannab said:


    • Ellen said:

      Poor you. 😦 Though today is better for me, so there is hope. thx

  2. “Something awful happened and I can’t tell anyone”…I think I know that feeling. Wish you could come help me sort through my stuff. I’m not feeling very adult either.

    • Ellen said:

      Yeah, it’s a rotten feeling and I’m sorry you have it also sometimes. I’m actually not very good at sorting things….but hey, I would try and help or at least cheer you on if we lived closer! I need to change over my closet from winter to summer and haven’t managed that yet so all is a bit of a mess here also. Thx

  3. Rachel said:

    Ouch, Ellen. Mouth stuff is so painful and intrusive and yuck to deal with. Sorry you’re having to. I have a similar response to surgery (or any medical procedure, even a pelvic exam). The young, traumatized parts get activated and I suddenly feel really emotional and not myself and it takes awhile to come back. A really shaken up feeling. That is the feeling I imagine you could be having/or did have. It is unsettling. Hope you’re feeling recovered by now.

    • Ellen said:

      Yes, that’s exactly it. I get it from medical stuff too, but dental is worse for me. Thanks for understanding. I’m definitely on the mend now.

  4. I can only begin to imagine. I’m sorry you have to go through this next. Exit cancer scare. Enter dental surgery. 😦 Take care.

    • Ellen said:

      I know – cancer, dental surgery…also I quit my job (then unquit it, but still – it felt very real to me). I do feel like i’m out the other side now though, mostly. Thanks.

      • The the other side is good. It sounds all very overwhelming. Glad you are making it through.

  5. e.Nice said:

    Maybe I should give plantains another try. I had them years ago and the mushy texture…. just couldn’t get around it. But after living abroad and eating a lot of strange things, perhaps the texture would no longer be a big deal. Hope your over the infection and pain now. Sorry it brought up old stuff. Is therapy ever not going to be a struggle (thats sort of rhetorical)?

    • Ellen said:

      I fried slices of plantain, fairly ripe. So they were a bit crispy….with salt. I enjoyed them, though for me too, there was a bit of oddness at the unexpected flavour. I’m wanting to expand my world, and food is the least scary way for me to do that. 🙂

      The pain is a lot better at this point thanks nice. Actually sometimes I find therapy kind of comforting, like today’s session….Though I certainly relate to the pain and struggle of it also.

      • e.Nice said:

        Food is a good way to expand your world. Hope you share additional discoveries! Glad you are feeling better and today’s session went well too.

  6. I really feel for you. I find any kind of dental work so triggering. I was so pleased last week to be told by the endodontist that I don’t need any surgery for a supposed problem the other dentist thought they saw. I hope you are feeling better now. It really can take some time to get over this kind of invasive dental surgery.

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