I want to keep this old blog going, so a quick update. I’ve been MIA a bit. I had dental surgery to remove an impacted wisdom tooth a week ago, and I’ve been laying low and recovering. It’s seemed mostly that all I can do is show up at work, and survive. I skipped therapy last week because I felt it was too much.
Of course the damn surgery triggered out my issues, and that’s been difficult. The surgery itself was fine – I went in, they put me out, woke me up, all was OK. It’s more the recovery that’s been a bit rough. Actually, if only it didn’t trigger stuff, it would be OK. I don’t know.
I think what happens is a very young part of me surfaces and takes over. I’ve had a few issues at work, not being adult enough, though nothing awful. I feel emotional a lot of the time.
Yeah, I feel too bad to really write much about it. It’s hard to describe. As if some awful thing has happened and I can’t tell anyone, maybe.
I’m finished with antibiotics today, thank God. Taking a probiotic and being careful with diet to try and mitigate the damage.
It makes me depressed, this stuff. I can’t explain it, but it’s rough to deal with. I’ll go in and see Ron again this week. When I think of therapy, I think always of loss and lack – the fact that I’ll only see him for fifty minutes anyway, what’s the use. Maybe it’s part of the depression, feeling the dark side of everything. I’m supposed to see a T for fifty minutes, and find important others who want to be around me for the rest of the time.
Writing this out makes the depression more real. Blundering through it without talking to anyone keeps it under wraps more.
Anyway. Today I fried a plantain for the first time ever, and it was pretty tasty. So one good thing. Fried in coconut oil and sprinkled with salt. Yum.