I’m mostly desperately tired. It’s always like this, starting a new job, and I always forget. It also has not been going particularly well. However, I believe I can do this job. But the boss is difficult. The director, whom I was worried about, and whom I dealt with for the first time today, actually seems quite kind. But this boss, who seemed so ‘nice’ at the interview, is a bit of a bitch.
I already got told off and I’ve only been there a week. Man oh man.
And they continue to be unaccommodating. I want to start work at 8:30, but the boss arrives after nine, so all must work from nine to whenever. At first she said OK, when I asked. The next day she pulled me into a meeting room, saying I’m making her look bad if I’m not there until after five. No one cares when you come in, but people talk if you leave before five. I do want this to turn into a full time, don’t I? Excuse me? You’re threatening my job, when I have never yet not done what you ask? No threats were needed – of course I’d stay until whenever she says, she has only to say it.
Some kinds of people get anxious about me. I don’t know what it is. This has happened to me before. They see something, and they get very worried. Especially that I will not reflect well on them.
So yes, I’d like to start at a different time,which has never yet been an issue for me in other places. The subway at nine am is a complete nightmare. But what can you do. But being threatened with losing my job, in my first week there, is not encouraging.
People at work seem to be extreme introverts. My one teammate does not seem to talk to anyone all day long. She does not even get up from her desk to get tea. And she doesn’t talk on the phone. She is very very young, maybe under thirty, I’m not sure. The only time she talks is if our boss asks her a question. Or if I do. She never has a question or concern herself.
So the fact that she does not talk to me, and wouldn’t say hello or goodbye except that I say it first, shouldn’t bother me, but it does, a bit. At least I know it’s not likely personal. Then the other person in my cubicle is also almost completely silent, though she does get up once in a while. If I make her, she will talk to me a bit. She’s actually a bit interesting, unlike my team mate. I just get so irritated at someone who won’t even acknowledge you, yet sits in the same cubicle, just facing the other way. Weird.
And even though I’ve been staying until a few minutes after five since being told to, and arriving well before nine, I still get the feeling I should be staying later. Although I have little to do so far, mostly reading things. And by five, I am completely exhausted. So I leave. Once I have more work, I’ll stay later I suppose, but I will not now, just for show, unless I’m given a time I must stay until. If the boss dislikes me, so be it.
Then there was a first task she gave me on my first day, which did not go well. It’s so easy for things to go wrong when you’re unsure of things. I have to say, pretty much anything she’s asked me for, I haven’t been able to do. Like she mysteriously lost some work, and I couldn’t immediately find it. She seemed to have about five hundred documents per file folder, so it was quite confusing.
Anyhoo. It’s hard. So the only people there to talk much are the senior people by the windows. One fellow is quite cheerful and even says hello to me in the mornings, which is nice. They seem to talk to people and on the phone. But the analysts – they mostly do not talk.
The good thing in all of this is that I’m very competent at my core skills, and I’m keeping that in mind. Whatever anxieties my new boss may have about me, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to produce good work. If we’re on the same page at all. Which I’ll do my best to assure that we are. I am also pretty good at dealing with people, which I’ll need to do to some extent, as there will be internal clients. The benchmark for social skills there is not high it seems, lol.
There were also a few people in the lunchroom who were a bit friendly. I need to keep the positives in mind. It is disappointing that my one co-worker seems so uninterested in being at all friendly.
I want to keep mys spirits up, and not feel old and fat (boss and co-worker are both tiny Asian women, and decades younger than I am).
It does feel good to be out and about again. I’m more or less over the endless flu at last. I no longer feel that crushing fatigue. Now the fatigue is from stress as usual.
The night after I got told off for leaving before five, I really wanted to quit at once. There was another unpleasant interaction with the boss that day as well, and it just seemed impossible. I was actually trying to get some direction, because she was going on vacation for two days, and she was I guess too busy. Then why not say that, instead of being snippy and nasty to me?
I think the trick may be to lie low and not engage with this woman more than I have to. Maybe that’s why my co-worker is so very quiet – it’s best to lie low at all times.
So, I’m doing my best to fit in, not interrupt people, but also maybe chat with anyone who might seem a bit friendly.
I don’t want to quit anymore. Let’s see if I can tolerate the job once the boss comes back. I may leave it as a contract though, and not convert to full-time, even if they ask me to. So far, I’m not comfortable there.