Well, I feel terrible. I want to lie down, but when I do, I don’t feel much better.
I’m not sure what the feeling bad consists of really. A kind of blankness. Lack of motivation to do anything.
I feel bad about work but can’t do anything about this situation now, on the weekend.
Maybe the feelings are coming from parts. I know that B hates conflict and seeks kindness and connection above all else. So she will be feeling freaked out by my actions at work.
I feel kind of choking feelings, feelings of being attacked maybe. Kind of just out of my line of sight, this is happening.
Trying to let any feelings happen and move through, but probably I’m not successful with this. If they’re locked in parts, then I’d need parts out to figure out what’s going on.
I think of writing to Ron but not sure what I’d say.
These feel like incomplete feelings that I can’t quite feel, can’t quite name. Anger, but at a large distance. Feelings of being attacked. Feelings of being small and helpless. A kind of crushing fatigues that rest doesn’t touch. Feeling cut off from the world.
Frustrated that yet another Saturday is going to waste on being stuck.