Last weekend turned quite pleasant, and I got in the farmer’s market and a walk. This weekend is tougher. I’ve been having real problems with my shoulder, the pain keeping me up at night. So I’ve been going twice a week for acupuncture, which though it seemed to help at first, then stopped helping, as the pain came back. So this Saturday morning I went off for another session. I complained to the acupuncturist that it was still very painful.
After an hour of lying there with a few needles at various points, he came back and suggested additional massage. So the new agey type RMT came in and did massage. She was wonderful. So kind also – she talked softly to me, about what might be happening with my shoulder, and also about massage and other things. Funny because when I first came in and she greeted me at reception, I didn’t like her, because the new agey stuff seemed too much, she was too enthusiastic or something. But she had magical fingers and was very kind, so now I am a fan.
My shoulder does seem better though still hurting a bit. And of course the treatment has made me emotional. I cried a bit on the table, and then at home, and am getting almost nothing done. I guess in order to heal my shoulder, I’m going to have to accept being even less functional. I didn’t know that was even possible. And whatever we discussed in therapy on Thursday has come back with more emotion, of course.
Thursday was a really great session. I will describe in a later post.
I feel sad because. I think in a way I never felt anything before this stint of therapy. Well, I did feel. I felt depression, which in a way is not a feeling. I felt the extremes – fear, or overwhelm when trauma came up. But I didn’t feel the everyday feelings, so in a way, I may have missed my entire life. Now the feelings are coming back, and it’s a lot to deal with. But it’s also like suddenly seeing life in three dimensions, instead of my usual two. It’s probably a good thing, and, it’s hard to cope with adult responsibilities at the same time.
Today I must do laundry, vacuum, shop, and cook, in order to be ready for the work week. So far, I haven’t done any of it. I did spend forty minutes breathing and listening to Gregorian chants, trying to gain some stability and calm so I can proceed with my day.