I noticed in my pros and cons list of last post, the cons were I statements, the cons were you statements. I wasn’t even aware of that choice of pronoun yesterday. Interesting. I identify the most with the part who wants to stay home – the other part feels parental, nagging, like it’s telling me stuff for my own good. Amazing I didn’t notice this at the time.

It was good to go to the meeting, though going was hard and didn’t feel great. There were a lot of people there. For the first half, I sat next to a woman who took off her shoes, sneakers, with dirty socks, and the smell was so bad! Sigh. At break, I was able to change my seat and my nose got more comfortable. There are all sorts attending – some working, some not, some disabled, some functioning really well, others not so much. It was good to hear others talk about their struggles. You start to realize that so many are struggling and in pain, it’s not just you.

Because there were so many there, people jumped in as soon as the last person stopped talking. To me it always feels a bit disrespectful – someone is pouring their heart out, then jumping in the second they finish – like you were just waiting for them to finish so you could get on with your own issues. Because of this, it came time to close the meeting and I still hadn’t had a chance to share. They ask if anyone really needs to share, first, so I said I did. That felt pretty good, advocating for myself a bit. I just talked maybe three minutes – I didn’t hold up the group too much.

After, two people talked to me. One guy who told me what he’d done to improve his therapy. I didn’t think we had too much in common, but didn’t say so, just thanked him. He was so eager to help me! Then another woman, whom I exchanged phone numbers with. She said she’d been touched by what I’d shared. I really felt like crying at that point, just holding back the tears, so I didn’t talk to her much, but I thanked her, and we hugged. I felt she was so kind. She said she’ll be away for the next few weeks, but she’ll call me when she can.

One benefit of having gone to group therapy is I am able to share what’s happening for me in the moment regarding the group. It’s like a secret weapon – I never knew you could do that before the therapy. So there had been some conflict at the start of the group regarding procedure, which I didn’t take part in, and I mentioned the conflict and what it brought up for me. I also talked about how I’d been feeling about not having the chance to share in the group. It felt pretty good to just say those things, not have to pretend the group experience wasn’t happening.

And therapy.

Another somewhat rough session with better patches thrown in. I am so afraid of losing this therapy. Not that I’m afraid Ron will kick me out, but that I’ll determine it’s not right for me. I want to stay with Ron and heal with him. But, it might not be possible. We are in a struggle. I’ll blog the session next post.

  1. manyofus1980 said:

    Glad it was a success. I think it was nice that people talked to you and tried to help. Its also good you were able to be open and share and that you said what was on your mind. You should try to go to the meetings more if they help you. X

    • Ellen said:

      Thank you Many. I should go more….xox

  2. Cat said:

    Yes, I did notice the I and YOU statements. What does ACA mean?

    I also feel that jumping in before the person sharing has the chance to take a breath is disrespectful, it happens in my group constantly. Advocating for self is a HUGE step, Ellen. What did you mean sharing is your secret weapon?

    • Ellen said:

      Amazing I didn’t notice at the time. Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. My parents were not alcoholic, but they were dysfunctional, so I figure it’s a group for me.

      Sorry, I didn’t explain well. I meant, sharing what’s coming up for me because of the group itself. There’s always two things – how the group is working, and how I feel about that, and then also my own stuff from my life. I used to share only the second, but now I know if I wish, I can start with anything about the group and my response, if I want. So when I said my feelings about maybe not getting to talk, it was really about me in that moment, and it felt quite good actually – grounding.

      Thanks Cat.

      • Cat said:

        Ah yes, we have similar in the UK. It used to be called ALANON, but they changed to include children of dysfunctional families

        Talking about how the group is working for you is an important element of the healing process, IME, and not being able to talk is something I identify with. Do you find that by expressing the issue you have with talking in group actually helps overcome the problem?

        • Ellen said:

          Actually my issue was more with how I felt about not getting to talk in group, as they were closing the meeting and I hadn’t had a chance to share. But either way, yes it helps overcome it, or changes the way I feel about it. It puts the issue out there, which frees the mind a bit, it seems like. Cheers

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