Reasons to go

I’ve been struggling with doing enough on the weekends, and talked it over in therapy this week.

So today is better, but I’m struggling with whether I’m going to ACA or not. I’d fully intended to go at the beginning of the day, but now it’s seeming like a less appealing idea, now I’m a half hour away from leaving.

Reasons to stay home:

1. I’ve already done some things – cleaned the bathroom!, changed library books, laundry. I don’t have to prove I’m active. I deserve the reward of staying home and relaxing.

2. I finally feel a bit better. Group might make me feel worse.

3. Could be no one will talk to me there and I will feel bad about that.

4. If I rest quietly at home, it will help me more than venturing out. I’m tired of going out and making zero connections anyway.

5. I have some new DVDs I can watch.

6. I could open some wine – it’s the weekend after all.

7. I can make a proper dinner if I stay home, something I’ve been struggling to do consistently.

8. By going, I’m criticizing my parents. After all, they did the best they could, whatever that means.

Reasons to go:

1. You are f’ing lonely – get out there and talk to some people.

2. Group may make me feel more connected.

3. You can watch the DVDs, open the wine later. They’re not going anywhere.

4. You are not talking to anyone ever – you need to talk a bit.

5. It’s absolutely stunning outside – the walk there and back will be good.

6. You can tell Ron you went – you didn’t allow yourself to collapse, which will feel good.

7. Making an effort to heal is good.

8. Your parents f’d up big time. My saying so at some meeting won’t hurt them, and might help me.

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15 comments
  1. S.G said:

    The first list is tempting but the second one is probably best. I hope you managed to venture out x

    • Ellen said:

      He he – you said it S.G. I did venture out, I think just on the strength of writing it all out. I’m glad I did. Thanks. xox

      • S.G said:

        Well done on going out. That’s a real achievement.

  2. What did you decide to do?

    Do you know which parts want to stay and which parts want to stay home?

    • Ellen said:

      I went and am glad I did. It was good. As to parts….I’m just not sure. It does feel like a struggle between parts of me. B loves company, so she was likely OK with going. V is angry at everyone, maybe she didn’t want to go. Some part is extremely scared of the world, so never thinks we should go out into it – she just expects pain and rejection. It’s amazing I ever go anywhere, really. Thanks Ashana

  3. On another note, most of the reasons to go sound kind of scoldy, but the reasons to stay sound soothing and nurturing. (Not the content, the tone of how they are written.)

    • Ellen said:

      lol. I totally see what you mean, and didn’t notice this at the time. I think because the tendency I am trying to over-ride is to stay in retreat. I have the most wonderful reasons for doing so, but they keep me entirely alone and unconnected. So yes, the part that wants change is scolding the other part, that wants safety. You are perceptive as always.

      • It’s good you were able to go. Letting B have some fun and see other people is so important (and you, too!) I’m wondering if the scolding scares the scared part more, and if a different approach to coaxing her out might work. Does she respond to the idea that someone else (you or another part she trusts) will take care of her and she’s not going alone? She can take a comfort item that’s small and unnoticeable to help her remember she’s safe. Also, do your parts respond to the idea of turn-taking? Mine get that. If I say “This thing that another part likes will help you feel better,” their response is total wtf. But if I say, “X part needs a turn,” they totally get that and support it. Everybody should get a turn to do their things. Building empathy for the other parts and trying to help each of them understand the others’ points of view–rather than presenting the other point of view as really their own–helps. I don’t know why it helps. It seems counter-intuitive.

  4. I like your process of pros and cons of each. I suspect when trying to override the desire to retreat does sound a little pushy. Perhaps what Ashana is suggesting is similar to one of my counselors….he encouraged me to invite change. To make the change so enticing and intriguing that I want to go with the change. Congratulations on going and you sound very happy with your decision. Hugs. Have a great rest of the weekend.

  5. One thing I’ve noticed in reading is your sense of humour is coming through more strongly in your writing. It’s nice. A tiny little new flower poking through. 🙂

  6. Grainne said:

    Oh my I do this all the time. Pro con. Balanced list. I say go with your first instinct and try to forgive yourself as much as you can today. Xx

    • Ellen said:

      First instinct was to stay home, but I did go. It was a good meeting and turned out to be a good decision. You just never know. xox

  7. manyofus1980 said:

    If you went I hope it turned out to be a good meeting! You made two very good lists of reasons why you should and shouldnt go. Lists are good!

  8. Cat said:

    I like how you seem to have swapped from I should to YOU should, as though you were lecturing yourself!

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