I’ve been struggling with doing enough on the weekends, and talked it over in therapy this week.
So today is better, but I’m struggling with whether I’m going to ACA or not. I’d fully intended to go at the beginning of the day, but now it’s seeming like a less appealing idea, now I’m a half hour away from leaving.
Reasons to stay home:
1. I’ve already done some things – cleaned the bathroom!, changed library books, laundry. I don’t have to prove I’m active. I deserve the reward of staying home and relaxing.
2. I finally feel a bit better. Group might make me feel worse.
3. Could be no one will talk to me there and I will feel bad about that.
4. If I rest quietly at home, it will help me more than venturing out. I’m tired of going out and making zero connections anyway.
5. I have some new DVDs I can watch.
6. I could open some wine – it’s the weekend after all.
7. I can make a proper dinner if I stay home, something I’ve been struggling to do consistently.
8. By going, I’m criticizing my parents. After all, they did the best they could, whatever that means.
Reasons to go:
1. You are f’ing lonely – get out there and talk to some people.
2. Group may make me feel more connected.
3. You can watch the DVDs, open the wine later. They’re not going anywhere.
4. You are not talking to anyone ever – you need to talk a bit.
5. It’s absolutely stunning outside – the walk there and back will be good.
6. You can tell Ron you went – you didn’t allow yourself to collapse, which will feel good.
7. Making an effort to heal is good.
8. Your parents f’d up big time. My saying so at some meeting won’t hurt them, and might help me.