I don’t see anything good. The best I can do is feel numb. Eating is a problem. Everything is like sawdust.
Therapy is too rough on me. I need to fix my life, not plunge into trauma like this.
At my session Friday, a part came out. It was my fault. Ron doesn’t push parts at all. He just responds to whatever is happening. Still, I feel like it’s his fault.
I haven’t been able to function almost at all this weekend.
And I don’t have a story. The part is a child part. She describes the furnishings and surroundings of one of my childhood homes. No people, no events, nothing upsetting. Then she cries and cries as if someone died.
I think I need to fix my life. I have no support for dealing with this kind of trauma. But when it comes up, I can’t do the things I need to do to have a better life. I think about death and that’s about it. I can’t relate to anyone, because all I want to do is cry.
I’m not seeing how this is getting me anywhere. I just end up unable to even do the basics – dinner, for goodness sake. Everyone needs dinner. Laundry. I just don’t think this therapy is a good idea at all.