Feeling the need to do a gratefulness post. I actually feel fairly positive at the moment, though it seems my last post was maybe giving the impression I’m not doing well. I’m doing OK.

This year, I am very grateful for my blog readers – commenters, passers-by, new readers, longer term readers. I’ve come to feel like I know you, and your support means a lot. Thank you.

Last year for me was free from traumas. There was one major problem which I would have wished to have avoided (involving a certain bad boss 😉 ). But other than that, my life improved quite a bit. No real worries about my health last year. Cancer problems seem to be in the past, as all check ups are OK. And I got a handle on my gut issues, keeping them down to a very dull roar. The diet/supplement regimen is working well, so all I have to do is keep on keepin’ on. It is wonderful not to feel sick anymore.

Therapy was so much better now I’m no longer dealing with group. I am making progress. I’ve got a better handle on parts and am working better with different parts of myself than I ever did before. I’m grateful for Ron and also for the extra support he provides by email when needed. I feel lucky I found him.

I’m grateful that I have enough saved that being without work for a few months is no biggie. That means I can use this time to rest and recuperate. It can be rough to keep working through some of the stuff that comes up for me, but it’s worth it. Having a pause now is like a little reward for the efforts I’ve made to be and stay employed despite everything.

I have made tentative outreaches in spirituality, attending a church nearby and slowly getting to know some of the people there. I’m finding this somewhat helpful, and trust I can deepen this.

I have new boots that I like!

I’m able to go more places just because I feel like it, and feel I have the right to be there. If I’m alone, that’s OK. Lots of people are.

Areas for improvement are that I need to people my life. Even though, in a way, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with a big relationship while I’m re-organizing myself internally. I want different kinds of relationships than I’ve had in the past. Not perfect, but ones where I feel a connection. I am no longer willing to hang out with anyone who will accept me. I have to like them. This area is so tricky and difficult for me. And I have a lot of fear around it – I keep making plans to go to some group or event, then I end up not following through. So, I want to focus on this area if I am able to.

I’m also planning on taking a continuing ed course related to my professional life. Some are only a few weeks long, and I want to make the effort of taking one of these. Something of interest, but also that I can list on a resume. That might be a tough order, but I can investigate.

I wish you all a hopeful new year!

  1. cardamone5 said:

    I like what you said in this post, and in the last one, about feeling worthy of being places. That’s a big hurdle, and rarely articulated. i can identify with that feeling. Cheers to 2015.


    • Ellen said:

      Glad you can relate. Thanks Elizabeth. Happy 2015 to you!

  2. I got the clear sense in your last post that things were better. I like that things are getting better for both of us.

    Happy New Year!

    • Ellen said:

      Great to hear you got that sense, because that’s how I felt. Here’s to things getting better, if slowly, than surely. Happy New Year Ashana! Thanks for all your support.

  3. Beautiful summary. Since i’ve been reading here for a while it’s easy to see everything you’ve identified. I can see all the progress and all the things you are saying you’re grateful for.

    I have new boots that I like too 🙂

    • Ellen said:

      Boots are a real morale booster I find. Thanks for the encouragement Gel. Happy New Year!

  4. Cat said:

    I actually thought your last post was quite positive, Ellen. 😉 I understand that sense of change; on the one hand, it feels unremarkable, on the other, it has potential to positively influence our “recovery” and with those new boots to strut around in, who’s to know where you’ll be in a few months!
    I think you ARE working towards having more people/connections in your life. Maybe you haven’t been able to venture into anything majorly new because you weren’t (YET) ready, although you did join church and choir and that’s all bound to be helping towards the bigger picture. It sounds as if that “right time” is fast approaching and I wish you every success with it in 2015.

    • Ellen said:

      Thanks for all the positive thinking Cat. Good ‘striding’ to you too, for the new year.

  5. Jay said:

    I love how much good work is happening for you internally. It seems you are really in a healthy mental space. Proud of you x

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