Respite

Things are going well in my world once again. At least this week. Saturday morning, a recruiter phoned me up about an interview I was sure I had blown entirely. One clue being that it lasted less than ten minutes. Well, they offered me a contract. So I said yes.

It will mean a car commute, but it’s not terribly long. Altogether, it’s not a great contract, but it’s acceptable. It’s only a few months, but will likely be renewed. It’s in a suburb, so no strolling out for a coffee or lunch – I’ll have to drive to get anywhere else. This city girl feels a bit like an alien out there in the burbs. Everything seems huge and far apart.

I am so relieved to have something. I had another interview for a better contract lined up for the end of this week, but decided the joy of having a sure contract was better than to keep fishing.

In any case, the huge deciding factor will be what the people there are like, something I can’t determine from the interview. And whether the work will be challenging enough to hold my interest. Also difficult to determine. So I jumped on this one. I start next week.

Also, my son is quite a bit better. He’s moved out of his Dad’s house to stay with my parents for a while. He seems to have some disabling environmental allergies, and they are less severe at my parents’. My parents have an active life, and they seem to be pulling my son along with them. For instance, three meals a day, so that means he’s up during the day, as he likes to eat. They go for bike rides, garden, and just chat. It seems to be doing him good. Though they were lacking as parents, they are better grandparents I think. My father has never given my son the silent treatment. And my mother is better with boys than with girls. So. I have hope here also.

I’ve signed up for the local gym. I’ve been meaning to do this all year. Today I went for an introduction and fitness test. Apparently, cardio is no longer recommended! For my situation, the trainer said, he’d recommend one hundred percent weight training. I knew I have weak muscles, and my heart is quite good. But I was surprised by this.

Now it turns out, you can’t do weight training properly without instruction. So I signed up with a second trainer for five sessions. Which the first trainer felt was not a whole lot. But I don’t want to pay for training and therapy every week – that seems too extravagant.

I really want to strengthen. I think it will help me move through the world more confidently. I’ve had this nagging feeling I should do this, and so far it feels good. Though I’m shocked at how expensive this all is. However, once I’m set up, I hope to work out mostly on my own, which is cheap.

I have a problem with dissociating from exercise. I alluded to it by saying I have an ‘anxiety condition’ that can get set off by exercise. I just said I need to take things slow. I hope I can do the exercising without being triggered left and right, and ending up dissociated.

Dance went well the last two times I went. I stayed adult, but the kid still was there and had fun. The kid loves the spins, the swinging around, the patterns and the music. And the interactions where it’s clear how they’re supposed to go.

At the practice, there were not a lot of women, so the coach danced with me more than usual. He gave me a great tip about the connection with the dance partner. Social dancing is very traditional – the man leads, the woman follows. Which is something I would hate in the rest of my life, but I’m OK with on the dance floor. The coach pointed out that I’m keeping my arms too stiff, which means I can’t feel the man’s lead. When we both have softer arms, we can feel the connection between us. The arms can’t be stiff, and they can’t be spaghetti arms either. It’s a kind of soft push pull, a give and take. It just seems like a great metaphor for how to be with people. Not the leading and following part. But the part where you are present, with some resistance, but also receptive, to understand the intent of the other person. I felt a lot calmer, dancing while remembering to keep the connection between myself and my partner fluid and responsive.

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3 comments
  1. Gel said:

    So much good happening on so many fronts. You sound strong and clear.

    I love how you described the dance with partners part. I’ve had insights like that too, where what I’m experiencing in the dance seems to reflect bigger principles in life.

    “It just seems like a great metaphor for how to be with people….where you are present, with some resistance, but also receptive, to understand the intent of the other person……to keep the connection between myself and my partner fluid and responsive.”

    With regards to cardio not being recommended anymore….I know they keep changing what they think is best for everyone. But to me walking at a moderately brisk pace has so many benefits that I still keep it as a cornerstone of my exercise life. And I think it is a great in combination with weight training. I hope you get to do your new weight program without too much dissociation.

    Best wishes on your new contract!

    • Ellen said:

      I suspect dance can reflect back to us how we interact with people close to us. Maybe. I’m hoping lessons from dance will leak out into my life!

      Yes, I intend to keep up the walking also. I really didn’t explain the trainer’s advice very well. He did say that moving is good, in general. That I might be wasting my gym time though, if I do a lot on the treadmill. Which is because my muscles are so weak, my movements on the treadmill will be automatically unbalanced to compensate, thus leading to more problems. So he thought I’d be better off concentrating on strengthening muscles instead of doing cardio. It was more of a recommendation for me specifically, than for everyone.

      Still, who knows if it’s true. But, it did make sense.

      Thanks for the good wishes and for sharing your thoughts!

  2. Good luck with the exercise. You have a lot of motivation, can I have some of yours? Haaha Kidding. Im glad you got offered a new job. Congrats on the contract. I hope it turns out ok. Hugs!

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