I’ve missed describing my last two sessions. What they had in common was the last twenty minutes of both was devoted to parts.
I hate that I’m in parts. Sometimes I think it is not true, it’s just a trick of therapy. After all, they speak mostly in therapy. I can hear bits of things on my own, but they only really come out in therapy. So are they real? I didn’t have the kinds of horrifying experiences others with parts have had. Though I did have the SA beginning at a very young age. Is that enough to cause this?
Allowing parts to speak feels good at the time, unless I go into a flashback. But just allowing their opinion to be heard seems fine. But at home, I then fall into a thick and heavy depression. Is it the pain these parts carry? Or what? Why does it make me so depressed?
I feel like I have to just survive the heaviness of it. Ron seems very far away and unimportant. Writing to him seems like too much trouble. What can he do, in any case? I don’t know what’s wrong.
I’m down to doing the basics – cooking so I can stay on the paleo diet, which is a lot more cooking than I’m used to. No toast. Doing chores is a big deal and difficult.
I know I need to express myself, and so here I am posting. It just doesn’t seem worthwhile, but I know underneath that it’s worthwhile.
I hope you are all well or on the path to happiness.
The illustration is to please younger parts. They all want balloons.