Another night where sleep comes too slowly.
My weekend was mixed. Saturday was dreadful. I’m not sure why it was so bad. In therapy for the last twenty minutes, I went into various parts. I’d been having a lot of trouble sleeping and thought probably parts were the reason. And I did start to sleep better on Friday. Just the price for having parts speak seems to be a whole lot of pain.
Saturday I had no food prepared, and I was too dissociated to cook. Yet I can’t eat bread, cereal, rice as I used to when I couldn’t manage food. I don’t know why it becomes impossible. I even had some stew I could have unfrozen. Just then I would also need a green veg and some kind of root veg for starch, and altogether, I couldn’t work out what to do. Or I could have given myself step by step instructions, but I didn’t have the will to follow them. Things just fall apart in a way that’s difficult to explain.
I ended up realizing I could manage to nuke a sweet potato. Those four steps – get out of fridge, scrub with brush, poke with fork, cook in microwave – I could do those. Something about there just being one ingredient. So I didn’t starve but I did get nauseous as I suppose it wasn’t the right food.
Sunday, today, was better. I woke up and realized that yes, I could do things. I could wash the dishes from yesterday. I could get dressed before noon. I could even make a salad.
In the afternoon, I met an internet date at a coffee shop downtown. I feel like a regular person who can do regular things.
It went pretty well. I did want to cut and run after twenty minutes, but I don’t think that was the man’s fault. He is Indian from India, and works in banking. He seemed steady and calm, and explained about Hinduism. It was kind of interesting. He had a nice smile.
Compared to others I’ve been out with, he seemed quite together. Seems to have steady decent work. Nice newish clothes. Talked reasonably.
I’m not sure if we had a connection or not. How do I tell with one meeting? When I’m mostly scared I’ll screw something up, and am just thinking of the end of the tea, because I’ve done this thing I was scared of doing and now I’m just relieved and want to go home.
But we stuck out the hour, walked a few blocks together, then said goodbye. I hope to see you again? Sure.
No little email note at home saying polite things. But I think it was fine. If he asks me out, I’ll go.
After meeting him, I bought some homeopathic remedies. I’ve been trying natural healing lately, got a book on it, so I purchased two of the remedies listed there. Also looked at crystals, and know which ones I’ll buy if I decide to.
The kid loves this kind of stuff. The homeopathic remedies are like little toy pills, tiny and sugary. Yum. Buying crystals also appeals – the nice colours and smooth feel of the stones. The kid also likes aromatherapy – good smells are right up her alley.
I try one of the remedies at home. It does make me feel calm, and slightly happy.