I’ve had a headache since last Tuesday. That’s a long time. When I went in to work, it was really bad – at one point, in a meeting, I felt as if I’d throw up. Now it’s down to a dull roar. Maybe if I’d stayed quietly at home today, it would have gone away, but I wanted to go out.
Therapy on Friday was basically about the headache. I think it’s psychological – if I can express something, it’ll resolve itself. However, it’s hard to know what that something is. I suspect it’s to do with the memory / flashback that happened last week. I was very sad for several days afterwards, not up to doing much of anything. Then Tuesday I needed to go into work, and suddenly, I felt better, but bam, was hit with a monster headache.
In therapy, I tried fishing around for what feelings were behind the headache. I touched on little bits of trauma memories, but nothing overwhelming. More the kind of stuff that if I go looking for it, I’ll find. Feelings of someone pressing in on me, of being helpless. But I didn’t switch into it, I just felt it and then went on to other things.
I was hoping that would help. It didn’t much. And I felt furious with Ron. I felt he wasn’t caring. And some other things. I sent him an email about it.
Now I no longer feel angry with him, but the headache is worse again. Maybe it’s anger. But I don’t know anger with what. I can see Ron isn’t doing anything terribly wrong. I just feel very pissed off.