Ow my head

I’ve had a headache since last Tuesday. That’s a long time. When I went in to work, it was really bad – at one point, in a meeting, I felt as if I’d throw up. Now it’s down to a dull roar. Maybe if I’d stayed quietly at home today, it would have gone away, but I wanted to go out.

Therapy on Friday was basically about the headache. I think it’s psychological – if I can express something, it’ll resolve itself. However, it’s hard to know what that something is. I suspect it’s to do with the memory / flashback that happened last week. I was very sad for several days afterwards, not up to doing much of anything. Then Tuesday I needed to go into work, and suddenly, I felt better, but bam, was hit with a monster headache.

In therapy, I tried fishing around for what feelings were behind the headache. I touched on little bits of trauma memories, but nothing overwhelming. More the kind of stuff that if I go looking for it, I’ll find. Feelings of someone pressing in on me, of being helpless. But I didn’t switch into it, I just felt it and then went on to other things.

I was hoping that would help. It didn’t much. And I felt furious with Ron. I felt he wasn’t caring. And some other things. I sent him an email about it.

Now I no longer feel angry with him, but the headache is worse again. Maybe it’s anger. But I don’t know anger with what. I can see Ron isn’t doing anything terribly wrong. I just feel very pissed off.

  1. Ashana M said:

    Did you have headaches as a child?

    • Ellen said:

      No, I don’t think so Ashana.

      • Ashana M said:

        Just wondering. My physical symptoms of psychological issues are remarkably literal.

  2. attached said:

    I am sorry that you are in so much pain. I am wondering if it has responded to any painkillers. Is it possible that there is a physical cause for the headache. I hope you feel better soon.

    • Ellen said:

      It responds a bit to Tylenol, though advil was my favorite drug. Anyhow. It’s mostly gone now – just a remnant left. Thank you.

  3. Gel said:

    Is it hard to think with the headache? I don’t get then very often….when I do it’s usually in conjunction with the flu. Right now I have a low back ache that is very painful and getting in the way of normal movements.

    I’ll be interested if you figure out what the psychological aspect is of the headache. I’m in the habit of looking for the meaning in physical stuff like this too. Kind of like interpreting a dream. But like dreams, I don’t always find meaning in the physcial symptoms.

    Thanks for the ongoing reports about therapy.

    • Ellen said:

      Ouch. I don’t get backache often myself, it sounds bad.

      I didn’t really find the meaning. I just suspect it was caused by the severity of the memory I had two weeks ago, but am not sure.

      I’ve actually fallen down in the reports on therapy. I just haven’t wanted to think about it lately! Thanks Gel. xox

  4. Bummer on the head ache. I learned the hard way that sometimes there is a physical part too. I call it the mind-body connection. I learned that medical doctors can help but the final healing comes from the psychological part. Did you consider the possibility that you redirected old anger to Ron. Perhaps someone from your childhood was uncaring when you were hurt and his reaction seemed similar enough to feel angry with him but the real anger is attached to the memory. Just one possibility to consider. Take care.

    • Ellen said:

      I’m pretty much certain the anger is a memory / is old anger. For sure. Thank you Ruth.

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