My job is stressing me out. That and allergies. They’ve kicked in and I feel mostly like I’m being attacked. Not a good feeling at all for me, as it reminds parts of me of other attacks.
This was my new client/boss’s first official day. We were in a meeting and I was pretty anxious. Part of it was the anti-histamine I’m taking, part the allergy symptoms, part anxiety over a new boss. The meeting was with him and another manager whom I don’t like – she always wants to make me into an admin assistant, and I’m not one.
This Boss, J, is pretty cheerful and self-confident. The other manager kept trying to make the meeting just about her and him discussing business, with me there to take down what they said. He didn’t really play along though. When he talked, he looked at me as well as at her.
In these situations, a lot of people would stay quiet, which I think would be valid in the circumstances. Who knows what’s actually going on? Unfortunately, when I get anxious, I talk. So I did that…..
Then at the end of the meeting, I wanted to mention to J about a project that to me seems silly, but it’s the only thing I’ve got to work on. Honestly, if I do what he said, it’s a complete waste of time. So I told him that, adding though that if he needed me to do it, I’d be doing it. He looked taken aback, but said he’d talk to his boss about it and get more input.
I haven’t heard back from him. I’ve had almost nothing to do for many days. Should I do the make work task which they won’t be able to use? I don’t want to, I have to admit.
I worry I made a bad impression. Not cool enough. Too opinionated. Well, that’s me though. He might as well see it right off. Just with added anxiety today.
I’ll give him a few days to settle in before once again mentioning that I need something to do. I’m sure he’s overwhelmed learning the new job.
I’m reading about communication skills, realizing I don’t really have great skills in this area. I wonder if that would have been more helpful to learn at group than the exploration of issues.
I miss Ron and am fighting the urge to write to him. For younger parts, three weeks is a very long time.
And, when I came home completely wired from stress, I tried the magnesium Calm powder with warm water. It did calm me down. It’s expensive stuff, but nice to know it helps.
So, I’m staying holed up indoors with windows closed to keep the dreaded pollen out. It’s stuffy but I still feel better.