My job is stressing me out. That and allergies. They’ve kicked in and I feel mostly like I’m being attacked. Not a good feeling at all for me, as it reminds parts of me of other attacks.

This was my new client/boss’s first official day. We were in a meeting and I was pretty anxious. Part of it was the anti-histamine I’m taking, part the allergy symptoms, part anxiety over a new boss. The meeting was with him and another manager whom I don’t like – she always wants to make me into an admin assistant, and I’m not one.

This Boss, J, is pretty cheerful and self-confident. The other manager kept trying to make the meeting just about her and him discussing business, with me there to take down what they said. He didn’t really play along though. When he talked, he looked at me as well as at her.

In these situations,  a lot of people would stay quiet, which I think would be valid in the circumstances. Who knows what’s actually going on? Unfortunately, when I get anxious, I talk. So I did that…..

Then at the end of the meeting, I wanted to mention to J about a project that to me seems silly, but it’s the only thing I’ve got to work on. Honestly, if I do what he said, it’s a complete waste of time. So I told him that, adding though that if he needed me to do it, I’d be doing it. He looked taken aback, but said he’d talk to his boss about it and get more input.

I haven’t heard back from him. I’ve had almost nothing to do for many days. Should I do the make work task which they won’t be able to use? I don’t want to, I have to admit.

I worry I made a bad impression. Not cool enough. Too opinionated. Well, that’s me though. He might as well see it right off. Just with added anxiety today.

I’ll give him a few days to settle in before once again mentioning that I need something to do. I’m sure he’s overwhelmed learning the new job.

I’m reading about communication skills, realizing I don’t really have great skills in this area. I wonder if that would have been more helpful to learn at group than the exploration of issues.

I miss Ron and am fighting the urge to write to him. For younger parts, three weeks is a very long time.

And, when I came home completely wired from stress, I tried the magnesium Calm powder with warm water. It did calm me down. It’s expensive stuff, but nice to know it helps.

So, I’m staying holed up indoors with windows closed to keep the dreaded pollen out. It’s stuffy but I still feel better.

  1. Ashana M said:

    I hate allergies. Sometimes I feel like it would be nicer to chop off my own head. Then I realize there’s more up there that I need and it’s not all just headache and stuffiness and inflammation.

    • Ellen said:

      I’ve been as sick from allergies as from the worst flu. People don’t realize how severe they can be! Sorry you are a fellow sufferer. Your comment made me laugh.

      • Ashana M said:

        I forget how severe they are and I have them!

        I’m glad you laughed. I was hoping you would find it funny and not just morbid. 🙂

  2. Gel said:

    I hate allergies too. I remember how bad they can be. I agree they can be worse than the flu. Maybe for some people they aren’t too bad. They’ve gotten less for me over the years and I attribute that to removing flour and dairy.

    Having a new boss is a challenging transition. Maybe you’re right to be yourself around him from the beginning. That makes sense to me.

    There probably are lots of communication models or tools. I found my favorite a few years ago in Nonviolent Communication. But that’s a limiting title for it in my opinion. It’s not just about resolving conflict or communicating without violence. I have found the concepts in it to be helpful even just using them in myself…like a processing tool. I even consider it part of my eclectic spiritual path. Unfortunately I still struggle to put the model into practice when I’m triggered around people. I think it has helped me slow down and not make things worse but usually that’s about it. With the exception of with my husband. We use it together when we get into rough patches and it’s excellent.

    What are you reading about communication?

    Does it help you to let your kids/parts speak here on your blog?

    • Ellen said:

      My allergies are better this year, and I also think it’s the diet. Not sure which part.

      Yes, this is the same book. I like the concept of respect for everyone and non-judgment. And having empathy for yourself. And not trying to fix things for other people. I am uneasy with his ideas about anger – I don’t agree it’s always about having wrong thoughts, and I think this is just one more way to deny anger, which a lot of us do anyway. I have mixed feelings about the book. I’m interested, but I think I’ll forget it when I need it. Slowing down and not making things worse is a great step. And good you can use it with hubby. I kind of think to do these techniques in a healthy way is pretty complex – not so easy.

      It can help letting kid parts speak here, at least, the kid, but it also feels pretty vulnerable, so I’m no doing much of that.

      Thanks for your thoughts Gel.

      • Gel said:

        I had trouble with what Rosenberg says about anger not being a feeling. but it was explained to me that anger is seen as being the result of beliefs and expectations that aren’t met and that there are other feelings underneath too. I decided that there was so much that made sense to me about this model that I’d keep an open mind and investigate for myself about anger since I sure feel strongly – viscerally when I get angry. Instead of seeing it as denying anger, I see it as a red flag that there is something really intense for me to go deeper into….in a safe way to find out what it’s really about.

  3. weareonebyruth said:

    I also like the book about Nonviolent communication. I am only part way through and I think I need to start at the beginning again. I am learning that this book is also more than the words you use but actually changes how I view people. Changing bosses can be difficult and unpredictable. Resting is good. I hope you have a good weekend.

    • Ellen said:

      I also started back at the beginning when I was three quarters of the way through. It’s easy to forget all the parts of this technique. I also am reading non-violent communication – I believe I got the title from your blog Ruth! Thanks!

  4. kp said:

    Hi Ellen…I too have a lot of anxiety about speaking up. I say things at meetings or in social situations and then worry over them in the middle of the night. I keep thinking that it must be so nice to just feel good about one’s self; to feel like it is okay to express an opinion. Have a restful weekend. Kim

    • Ellen said:

      That would be an excellent feeling for sure. Sorry you struggle in this way also though. Thanks for commenting.

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