Depression is casting its gloomy net. Haven’t been writing, and I do better when I try to write, so here I am.
Weather lovely, cool and sunny. No problem with the weather. I’ve finally planted my balcony, such as it is, so that’s a relief and I am enjoying a few blooms.
I went to visit my parents Sunday, with my son. Aha. Pain point. Bingo.
As usual, nothing much went wrong. We were fed. Everyone was polite. I talked a fair amount. My siblings weren’t there, which was a huge relief. Things are easier when they aren’t there. The family doesn’t fall into its usual patterns so easily.
I was more or less enjoying talking. I explained about my new diet, Paleo. My mother had never heard of it, and looked at me with this amazed look on her face. She called it the cave man diet.
I didn’t have an uncomfortable time. But the next day, I was very depressed. I spent a lot of time lying down looking out the window, unable to get it together.
Since then, I’ve been down. Work is extremely slow, so there’s not much distraction there.
It’s actually difficult to write when I feel like this. My thoughts are slow, I think about lying down.
Today I went to the library and the cafe. I did a load of laundry. I read my mystery novel. I lay out in the sun and watered my plants. And that’s about it. I want to go to a yoga class tonight, but don’t have a lot of motivation. Maybe it’s best just to endure this feeling.
I will see Ron tomorrow evening. At which point, my depression is likely to be transformed into more severe sorrow or sloshing waves of anxiety. I have to try to keep the session light though as I have to work the next day.
I suppose seeing my parents reminds me of the past, and I find it painful. It’s just not that direct – I don’t have thoughts I can point to that are negative or about the past. More like a nudge, there is a past, it’s just out of sight…