There’s a pale half moon rising in the skylight right above my desk. 8:30 and it’s still daylight. Still too hot and humid to risk going outside more than a few quick minutes. But it’s cooled down enough that my AC can make a stab at keeping things comfortable. Warm but not stifling.
Today I went in to work and stayed all day. Because I haven’t had enough to do, I’ve been tending to stay only half days, but today there was a little more going on. It’s easy to get used to not staying for eight hours and I’m tired today.
I was noticing the low depressions I used to fall into at work are less severe. I think for me it’s a parts problem. I am used to severely holding down parts, especially at work. It amounts to not allowing those parts to speak, so I can’t even think some things. It makes me very depressed. What seems to be helping is when I feel that sinking depression, is to allow parts space, especially the kid and the dark voice.
This all happens internally BTW. It’s obviously inappropriate for parts to express themselves at work. But I can allow them to talk to me. It’s like giving air and sunshine and a listening ear to small parts. For instance, the kid loves to walk around outside and look at things. I can be the kid for a few minutes, walking around, just enjoying moving and watching what’s going on.
When I do this kind of thing, that stressed out black depression starts to roll back.
I can provide reassurance, that we’re all basically OK at work, earning money is good, no one hates us. Or that we’ll have a break soon to walk around, get a snack, or that it’ll be time to go home soon, and then we’ll have some ice cream….Things like this, I find extremely soothing. Trying to be a good mother, instead of a repressive one.
I really like this discovery. I’m hoping it keeps helping me.