Therapy Friday

I keep starting a post about my session but I can’t do it. It’s still too close to me I guess. If propelled by anger, I can write it all down. Otherwise, no. But it was a good session.

Ron didn’t argue at all. He didn’t think bad things about me in group either. Apparently I displayed openness and directness in telling the group how I was feeling. I had a whole scenario where he was immensely critical of me, but it wasn’t true.

He could even see how I’d feel E’s feedback wasn’t necessarily validating.

I’m very surprised. The theory is my father was very critical when I was a child, so now I turn that criticism against myself….and maybe project it onto Ron.

Also about parts – I had his opinion wrong. He thinks I should talk about them. He was pretty funny when I told him what I’d heard him say, shaking his head and saying no, no no no no….lol.

He thinks at times I don’t think I can change because I’m in parts. But he thinks I actually have some influence on them and that I can increase that.

Could be. Putting it this way makes some sense and I don’t find it threatening.

I feel trust has been restored and I am relieved. I know it’s odd I lose trust completely, then get it back completely. Something about the way I work. It’s not optimal at all, but it’s me.

I am grateful for the rain – nice and restful.

  1. Some times a session can be restorative like a gentle rain. I am glad you feel like this was a positive experience.

  2. Well rain is soothing. I like walking in the rain. It’s helps me!

    • Ellen said:

      I haven’t actually been walking in it – must try that! thanks Terry

  3. I have found I really have very little control over the parts. I can work at the underlying issues, but I can’t change behaviors or even thought processes that are activated by trauma memories. So, I’ve just worked very hard at dealing with feelings and trauma. Changes in behavior came later. Insight also wasn’t of much use, partly because any one part of me knew too little about me to understand the entirety of the situation or of my thinking. Later, I realized I was just making things up about why I thought or behaved the way I did, because I didn’t know and not knowing was very uncomfortable. It’s like spending half your life sleepwalking.

    Just my experience.

    • Ellen said:

      That’s how I felt about control of parts. And what you say about ‘making it up’ and insight – yep. I think that also. The insight is OK for one part, but my behaviour or feelings or whatever tend to be driven by another part, so then the insight doesn’t help. I gave up trying to explain it to Ron, because he thinks I’m defensive. We’ll see. Some things he’s right about, but a lot not IMO. Thanks for sharing your experience.

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