Towards the end of therapy this happened. We talked about why I’d left the group for a break….
E. That black voice is back again lately. It was getting loud in the group, so I left.
We sit. We’d been discussing other aspects of the group, my anger at A, things that happened there.
E. I feel like there are things I want to talk about with you but I don’t know what they are.
R. Maybe other parts of you want to speak?
E. I don’t know…I know I feel sad. But foggy sad. I don’t know what I’m sad about.
R. Maybe other parts? What is the black suicide voice saying?
E. She feels angry. Like she hates the group and everyone in it. You too. They should all just fuck off.
R. What’s it like for her?
E. Everything is just black. The world can’t be trusted. There’s no one to trust….I’m going to let her talk.
E. So….everything is black. And….I’m like lost in a forest.
E. I’m lost in a forest and it’s black and there are animals….and I’m by myself. There is no one else there.
Really crying a lot. This has just hit me over the head out of nowhere.
R. Am I there with you?
E. No. You’re not in the forest. I’m by myself.
R. Maybe I could be in the blackness with you so it isn’t so scary.
E. I don’t know how to do that….
R. How could I be there with you? How could we get some light in there?
E. We could be there and we could….maybe we could make a campfire? Because campfires are bright.
I’m crying the whole time.
I get a few minutes to get it together to leave his office.
I seem to have a part that thinks she is stuck in a dark woods, by herself and lost.
Here is a tale I found about this whole scenario.The illustration is a diorama by Gosia.
* Deer Boy took me to his favourite spot in the forest… * One night, when the forest grew dark with the night, Deer Boy, who lived in the forest, found a little girl crying. She was frightened, because she got lost in the forest and was afraid of being there at night. Deer Boy decided he would take care of her until the day returned. He took her under his wing, and spent the night showing her that the forest at night is a magical place, not a scary one. They watched the dance of the fireflies. They feasted at the glowing faeries’ celebrations. They climbed up a hill to Deer Boy’s favourite spot, where the stars were the brightest and appeared close to their reach. The little girl was touched by all the beauty and her fear of the forest at night disappeared. She returned home safely that day, but she often visits Deer Boy and her new forest friends late at night.