A quick post to commemorate the fact that this evening, I feel good. Tired but good. I’m not having worries and anxieties. I worked all day, still in a room with two managers. It was fine. They both talk a lot and I like to listen. Then I talk also. I’m not that perfect at talking but it seems OK in my present unworried state.
It’s a lot easier to show up at work and be swept along by events than trying to work by myself at a desk. Other people carry me along, and I don’t have to worry about things all by myself. They don’t. They talk all possible issues out.
I think they remind me of my paternal aunts. I loved my father’s sisters very much when I was a young child. For one thing, unlike my mother, they weren’t afraid to talk, and they seemed to think I was worth talking to. They made me feel loved and special, and I suspect these women, only somewhat older than I am, are reminding me of that feeling. The way they settle in and start telling stories, and discuss….those aunts were like that.
I’ve also ended up with a good feeling about Ron and therapy. I have no idea why that happened. The last session was fine. Then I wrote Ron an email on the weekend when I’d had a bad dream and he responded kindly. And so I feel connected and unworried about whether he likes me or not.
This must have to do with parts. Because it’s not making a lot of sense to me. Why I would feel so overwhelmingly awful one week, thinking it’s Ron’s fault, and now this week, feeling good, and also feeling it has something to do with Ron. I am insane.
Anyhow, I am going to enjoy feeling good. I am getting to work every day at 8:30, making me feel extra competent and in control of my life. I did a red wash on the weekend, meaning I can wear lots of red and pink, keeping the kid happy.
This feeling is a relief.
Art: Lorraine Peltz