Holiday weekend. Tacked on to the end of my long sick leave so it’s rather wasted on me. Yesterday was one of those ice box days where walkers venturing out actually smiled at each other as fellow travellers, braving the arctic wastes. Kind of fun.
I have been battling depression once again. I went back to the basics, and it’s worked out well. The basics are veggies and protein, light, walking outside, sleep, a bit of human contact. I know this sounds basic, but I forget it when I’m depressed. Just helping my sluggish biology along as best I can, helps. You’d think it’s superficial, but it’s not.
The second part of it is calming down and not focusing on the dark side. Not the time to figure out the meaning of life or lack thereof. Jazz music, TV and movies, and trying to relax.
With PTSD, my system is permanently revved up, so the job is to try to relax, to feel like everything is basically safe, that there is no danger currently. A part of me thinks we still live in desperate circumstances, so I have to counteract that, do things that make me feel safe, watch my breathing sometimes.
Whatever I decide about group and therapy will be OK. I want to be sure it’s all helping me along. If it’s not, I don’t want to keep going just because that’s my habit. For now, I’ll be going back this week and seeing how that goes.
I know I have to do other things to heal besides showing up for therapy, I really do. Stuff like this relaxing. Maybe some massage and maybe I’ll try yoga again.
Ron’s philosophy of feeling all your feelings all of the time doesn’t really work for me. I need to be able to put bad feelings on the back burner at times, so I can have a life. I need to calm my system down. I still think it’s great to feel more, and to feel bad stuff in therapy, but I’m not interested in feeling terrible all the time. I don’t think that helps me or anyone else.