Feeling terrible. I’ve been having body memories again – kind of faint, like the volume is turned really low. I can push them aside but then end up with self-destructive thoughts. Sigh.
I’m still weak, so can’t go out much. Today’s voyage was to the health food store a few blocks away. Walking along the shelves, I got all teary about having to decide what kind of apples to buy, and whether to give coconut milk yogurt a chance. I did grab the apples but had to leave the yogurt as making a decision was too much. I must have looked bizarre in the store, standing motionless and sad in front of the yogurt.
Not sure what to do about the memories – should I allow them to come up, giving them lots of space to do so? Or do I go with trying to cheer up and be normal? Or do I just stumble around, doing a little of this and that, waiting for the day to be over? So far it’s been the latter.
I”m pretty lonely which isn’t helping. Haven’t spoken to anyone for a few days it seems. Well, my mother on the phone today. Doesn’t really count.
Maybe I’ll go and do my body scan CD. Maybe it will be calming.