Appointment

Back from the doctor’s. It took all morning, as I had to wait two hours to see a specialist. Thanks to all who wished me well.

Not great news, as I’d figured. I do have cancer. The doctor is putting a positive spin on it – it may be stage 1, it may just be local. In any case, I’ll need surgery, and they are going to do a CAT scan to see if it’s spread.

She thinks the nausea is not related, but because of waste remaining too long in my colon, which is exceptionally twisty apparently. Hard to believe the timing is coincidental though.

I am upset. I did eventually talk to my friend last night, so then I had someone to tell about this after the appointment. I ended up crying on the phone. It was nice of him to care. We took a walk around and around a park close to his house. I was a bit shocked, so couldn’t take in much of what he was saying. He had a friend who had colon cancer and it turned out OK.

The surgery will be in about four weeks. Recovery time she said also four weeks, which is not great for me because I am contract and won’t be paid. However, I do have savings.

My friend said I am not utterly alone. He is there. Also my family will help me if I need it. That is true.

Hard to see where therapy fits into this. All that work on my feelings, and my body gives out. Even though I don’t feel sick.

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41 comments
  1. Juliet said:

    I’m so sorry, Ellen…. this is horrible.
    I’m glad to hear your doctor’s thoughts on this though – she must know after all.
    You’ll get through this. You’ll be okay. I’m sure that the CAT scan will prove that
    it’s still in an early stage. When is it done?
    I don’t know what to say (except that I’m in tears too). But I’m also glad you have your friend.
    You’re in my heart and in my thoughts. Hugs, a thousand hugs.

    • Ellen said:

      Thanks so much Juliet. The scan is Monday. Hugs to you also.

      • Juliet said:

        I don’t want to cross any boundaries…How did the scan turn out? I was thinking of you all day long and kept my fingers crossed. xx

        • Ellen said:

          Thanks for the good wishes Juliet. I won’t know the scan results till the 24, so a while longer to wait.

  2. Oh, Ellen, I’m so sorry! Sending thoughts of healing…

  3. harrietmwelch said:

    I’m so sorry Ellen. This is such hard news to hear, but it is great news that it was caught early. I went through this exact thing last year, except in my kidney, not my colon, I was perfectly healthy, training for a half marathon, blah blah blah. I know what you mean about your body giving out on you, but you are young and strong. Right now the tough part is dealing with the shock and the emotions, but soon you will find yourself doing research and making a plan, and that will move you forward. Please feel free to email me if you want someone to talk to. I think it is great that you have a friend to talk to you about what is going on, that is important. Many hugs to you.

    • Ellen said:

      I know you went through this also Harriet. You didn’t write about it much though, but I was so happy it all went well. I am pretty scared and shocked right now, but I guess those feelings will dissipate. Perhaps I will email you. Thanks for your support. Hugs.

  4. Mike Haitch said:

    Sorry to hear that. My body didn’t do too well this year either so I’ve taken time off too. Just think of itnas 4 weeks where you must relax and enjoy yourself a little.

    • Ellen said:

      Sorry to hear you have been having health issues also Mike. Yeah, time to rest is a good way of looking at it. Thank you

  5. Wishing you good luck and healing thoughts. I am sorry you have to experience this but it’s good to know you have a friend and family to support you. That’s a blessing.

    • Ellen said:

      Thank you Reflections

  6. I’m so deeply sorry Ellen… I wish you didn’t have to go through this, but know that you’re not alone! And if you think about it, it may be time to change the objective of your therapy, you may have right there a means of keeping strong and getting the support you need. You’ll be in my thoughts dear, and I’m sending you tons and tons of safe, caring hugs.

    • Ellen said:

      Thank you Nocturne. I appreciate your support very much. Hugs to you also.

  7. attached said:

    ((Ellen))

    I’m so sorry. Colon cancer treatment has a very high success rate when the cancer is caught early and good success rate at most other stages. Right now you (and your doctors) don’t know very much about the cancer so don’t think too far ahead. Scan, surgery, recovery. I have some experience with oncologists because of family members so please call me if you want to talk.
    I hope group (if you go tonight) and your session tomorrow help you express your feelings.

    • Ellen said:

      Maybe I will call you and find out your experience with this Di, thanks. The group was good and they were sorry I was sick. Ron was especially kind. xox

  8. laura said:

    I’m sorry, Ellen! It’s frightening. you definitely have support, with Ron and group, your devoted blogateers, and who knows, the experience might bring you closer with your family (such as your sister, if you want that).

    • Ellen said:

      Yeah, it’s scary for me. You’re right, the group and Ron were kind, and it helps that some people know about this besides me. I’m amazed and touched at all the blog friends who are sending me good wishes. Thanks!

  9. Bourbon said:

    Oh Ellen, I am so sorry. Here for u xx

    • Ellen said:

      Thank you Bourbon. xxoo

  10. Karen said:

    (((gentle hugs)))

    I’m so sorry, I really am. I’m really glad they’ve caught it early, of course, but I so wish there handn’t been anything to ‘catch’ in the first place 😦

    Be kind to yourself and do lean on your friend. Sending good luck and genuine best wishes for the scan, and thinking of you xox

    • Ellen said:

      Thanks very much Karen. xoxo

  11. Kashley said:

    I’m so sorry, Ellen. You are an amazingly strong person…you will get through this and will be stronger for it. ((hugs))

    • Ellen said:

      Thanks Kashley. Hugs to you also.

  12. I’m very sorry to hear about this. Keep talking and writing (on here, to friends, to family) and please know you are not alone. ((hugs))

    • Ellen said:

      Thank you Purple. I appreciate that you’re here.

  13. weareonebyruth said:

    Wow that is so rough. Hugs. I know I felt like my world fell apart when I had cancer. I had breast cancer 11 years ago. I am hoping it is stage 1 and the surgery goes well. Keeping you in my thoughts. Ruth

    • Ellen said:

      I know you went through similar Ruth, and came out stronger than ever. Thanks for the good wishes.

  14. Ellen, Reading this has affected me greatly. I consider you a friend and I truly hope that you are staying strong during this time. I hope you will keep us all informed as time goes on. We truly care, all of us. We are with you in spirit, and feel free to lean on us and perhaps we can be of help to you in this way…

    My thoughts are with you, Ellen. Still reading, still listening.

    Aaron

    • Ellen said:

      Thank you Aaron. I consider you a friend also, a blogging type friend. I probably can’t help myself from writing it all down, and I am so glad you are there listening to me – it helps a lot. xoxo

  15. landa said:

    Delurking to say how sorry I am to hear that. Thinking of you and sending best wishes.

    • Ellen said:

      Nice to meet you landa. Thanks for delurking! I appreciate your kind wishes.

  16. artyelf said:

    Dearest Ellen,
    I am sorry to read this news. And I am sorry I haven’t commented earlier. What a frightening time this must be for you.
    I hope you can see by all the comments, you are not alone in spirit, although it must feel that way right now.
    You are in my thoughts and my heart, lots of love to you, Elyn ♡

    • Ellen said:

      Thank you Elyn. I wasn’t aware you read my blog – I’m happy you’re here. It is frightening. I’m a little overwhelmed at the many people who care enough to comment here. I’m very touched. Love to you also.

      • artyelf said:

        Yes, I do read, and follow, I just haven’t been able to comment much for a while.
        You were one of the first people I thought of when I woke this morning. Firstly thinking how you would be in shock, but then also about all these comments. Even though it would be easy for people to just drop off platitudes on blogs (and I know this sometimes happens), the anonymity we have here also allows us to be very honest at times like this, and leave heartfelt responses. I would find this overwhelming too, but I read through these comments, and they are all from people who really care about you, and I hope this warms your heart a little.
        If I was there, I would hug you. ♡

        • Ellen said:

          Thank you Elyn, I appreciate your kind thoughts. This response really did warm my heart. Hugs to you.

  17. Harriet said:

    Hi Ellen – just thinking about you…..I wish there was something I could do or say that would be helpful or give you comfort. But all I can do is pop in and tell you that I am thinking of you and sending positive thoughts to you.

    • Ellen said:

      Hi Harriet – I think I can feel the positive vibrations! I’m OK – still processing, telling some people about it, it all takes time to absorb and work through. Thanks for thinking of me. xox

      • harrietmwelch said:

        Glad you are talking about it with people. I sent you an email, but not sure if I have your correct email address.

  18. Neloran said:

    Hi Ellen, I was away for much of December, and I’m just catching up on blogs now. I wish I read this sooner. I wish I could do something more than just be another voice on WP sending support. You are doing a lot of great work despite all of this news. Keep it up. Be brave.

    ❤ -Nel

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