Therapy today. Also I went to my 12 step group. There was just one other person there, a very sweet man with anxiety. We managed to fill the hour no problem, and it was kind of nice to have just the two of us, doing the readings and with lots of time to share.
Therapy was not so nice. I ended up fighting with Ron and left the session a few minutes early without saying goodbye. I’m not actually sure I remember a lot of it, as anger is not good for memory.
I know there is mis-communication happening, and Ron seems to be getting defensive, I guess he feels attacked. I was struggling with anger throughout, but the reason in the end I stormed out was our disagreement about how the therapy should go.
It’s something to do with how he treats parts. He says when he’s talking to me, he’s talking to all the parts. But I was trying to explain it doesn’t work like that – he’d need to actually talk to them. Then the kid tried to talk to him, and he responded to me, the adult. Maybe he thinks he’s encouraging the dissociation if he talks to parts. He seems to think he can do regular therapy with them, but he can’t, as they’re too young. They want to talk about kid things, and he wants to talk about serious therapy type subjects.
I felt pretty abandoned when he kept talking to me the adult even though kid parts were trying to talk. Then he explained a bunch of theory that I already know, like for instance how therapy makes you feel bad before it gets better. No kidding. Like he needs to explain to me the pain of therapy, after a year and a half of it. I hate being talked down to.
I’m not explaining very well, maybe I’ll do that tomorrow.
I am wondering if Ron has the knowledge of dissociation I need him to have. Meantime it’s the very kid parts he doesn’t care to talk to that are so massively attached to him.