I’ve been having a difficult week. I’m prone to seeing the worst case scenarios at the moment.
I’m worried about my health. That’s unusual for me actually – I usually take physical good health for granted. I’ve been having digestive issues, and now I’ve started feeling nauseous on top of that. So of course I look up the symptoms of cancer, and yes, nausea can be a symptom.
I’m hoping what it is is the allergy pills I’ve been taking. I’m sensitive to pills, and I was wondering, since I’ve been on them for a month, if they’ve started giving me stomach issues. Tomorrow I’ll either not take one or take half a pill and see if that helps at all.
I’m feeling like my therapy isn’t helping me. Of course, that’s stupid, I know, it doesn’t help all at once.
I feel mistrustful of Ron. That he knows what he’s doing. That he cares about me.
I have been feeling betrayed by my friend R who didn’t call me back. I wonder what went wrong. But it’s a deeper feeling, as if this was a serious betrayal by someone whom I trusted. And I know it wasn’t. We weren’t that close. We didn’t know each other that long. There was no obligation really, beyond the courtesy of replying to a phone call perhaps.
Yet I feel like this. I know this pain, I’ve felt it before. It hits me in the pit of my stomach, like a knock-out punch. And I’ve mixed it up with my feelings about Ron too, as if he too has abandoned me.
I know it’s not true. Yet I feel like that.
So, nauseous and betrayed. What a combination.