I’m avoiding writing about my therapy session. Part of it was embarrassing. But I feel much less anxious today. I might still be dying but at least it’s not bothering me as much as it was, lol.
So why don’t I plunge right in and see what I remember, besides the embarrassing bit.
Ron and I have our usual beginning back and forth about his beverage of choice. The kid always has something to say about whatever Ron has to sip on.
E. I got really depressed last weekend, after my session. Why do you think that happened?
R. I don’t know. What were you thinking about when you were depressed?
E. Well, we’d talked about men last time. So maybe it was that. Then we talked about how parts was impacting how I relate to people…and you didn’t agree with me.
Ron says that he thinks that suppressing a part will make it more likely to pop out at awkward times.
R. If I’m always monitoring what I’m saying, trying not to say certain things, it makes life very stressful.
E. Yeah, it isn’t really like that – that would be if one part was trying to monitor what it’s saying, or me. It’s more like going with a different kind of energy.
E. Switching into a part isn’t always healing. What if I had a part that liked to go out, drink and have sex with many men – that wouldn’t be a healing experience, that would be acting out.
Ron nods his head.
E. You actually saw how being in parts messed up my interactions in the group. I’d be unable to sit and listen, and would end up saying these things I didn’t believe really….And you ended up treating me pretty differently than you did before I went to the group, or now. You ended up condescending, acting like you had to manage me.
R. I did?
E. You definitely did. And I was thinking about the group, about why I would have attacked E the way I did. Why would I do that? I think it was because of the way she condescended to me.
R. Do you remember what she did that made you think that?
E. No, I can’t remember now how that went. So that Vitamin Water, I didn’t end up liking it, but I thought I’d really like it because you like it. But I didn’t. I tried the apple berry flavour. But you have ice tea today, it looks good.
R. I really like the peach flavour the best, you could try it.
E. Well. So that’s what I mean. I don’t even remember what the heck we were talking about. I don’t care about the Vitamin Water. And usually – OK, this time you went with it. But usually you’d be a little irritated if a part broke in like that.
Curses. Ron is on the ball here, talking with the part. He doesn’t like small talk, so he used to not respond to this kind of thing, but now he’s up on parts more.
E. I’m just saying, it’s disruptive. Anyway, E did seem to feel that I wasn’t being adult enough…..
R. Did you feel that way also?
E. A bit, but I also know how difficult things are for me so I have more sympathy.
Then we sit for a bit. I am still wondering what to focus on for my session. I’m not sure Ron is very interested, so I list possible topics for him to choose from.
E. Well, we could talk about:
- a flashback I had
- some dreams I brought in
E. Do any of those topics interest you?
R. Sure. What about starting with the first one – loneliness.
to be continued….