I’ve been feeling scared. I was relieved not to be stuck in depression and having anxiety instead. But after a day of fear, this definitely sucks also.
I do have a health concern, pain that I’ve been having off and on, and haven’t quite got it together to go to the doctor about it yet. This weekend I’ve got some bleeding along with pain. So immediately I think it could be cancer. There is a cancer with these symptoms. So I’m freaked out. Of course it’s the start of a long weekend, so I have several days to wait before I can even phone for an appointment.
The pain of this is steady but not very severe. If I knew what it was I’d feel better. But it has been getting worse, and I should have gone in about it sooner.
I also lost quite a bit of weight about a year ago without trying. Pretty unusual. Cancer symptom. Though it wasn’t in the last few months. I changed my diet about two – three years ago (eliminated wheat) so I was thinking that was it.
Thought I’d write it here to see if it helps.
Last night I also came down with the strong conviction that Ron doesn’t like me. That thought fills me with anxiety always. I wrote to him about it and he wrote back today saying we can explore this next week.
I don’t really feel better but maybe the fear is not really about him.
Then in therapy on Friday we did explore a nightmare I had. It upset me to talk about it, and talking made the fear I felt when I dreamed it come alive in a big way.
So maybe it’s the dream.
Then it’s a long weekend so far spent alone. Though I did go out and shop and sit in a cafe, and often I enjoy that. It’s beautiful weather, and I feel I should be taking advantage of it, and don’t really want to. I actually prefer overcast days a lot of the time – it’s like there’s less pressure to get out and enjoy life. Which I can’t do no matter what the weather is anyway.