It is so humid here sweat is running down my legs, and it’s ten at night. Rain should be coming tomorrow.
I’ve slid into depression a bit. Not completely. But a bit.
I’m still on vacation, and it does feel good to deeply rest. Every day I do go somewhere. Today I again went down to the lake and read my book.
I guess….it is lonely. I hadn’t talked to anyone since the weekend until my friend happened to call this evening. And my book is boring. Well, it’s actually good but it’s not grabbing me. It won a prize, and I can see the writing is good. It’s about the wild west, and two assassins who are on their way across the states to assassinate their latest target. I guess I can’t really relate to this topic. LOL. The Sisters Brothers.
On the other hand, is there someone I wish I could assassinate? No one springs to mind.
My possibly new friend R and I were supposed to have an outing today, but I didn’t hear from him, so nothing doing. I’d called him the other two times we had gone for a walk, so I am leaving it up to him to call me. I want to give him lots of room in case I freaked him out with my anxiety last time we met. And likely that is what happened, as I didn’t hear from him despite our tentative plans.
That’s OK. I’m not going to chase after anyone to be my friend. Though I don’t feel bad about calling him in the first place, I think it was fine. He was always saying how much he liked me, so it made sense to think he did, and I could use another friend.
I miss Ron in a way. We wouldn’t have had a session yet anyway, but I know he’s out of the city. As well, I would likely have emailed him by now, but I am not doing that, as I don’t want to disturb his vacation in any way. Next week he will not have access to email at all. Or phone I suppose.
I consider quitting therapy altogether. How would I feel? It wouldn’t make any difference immediately, which is what I’d want it to do. Perhaps I’d feel less abandoned if I quit.
Lastly, I have a writing assignment due tomorrow and I can’t get started. A journey, with conflict, 350 words. I need inspiration to strike.