I wonder if exercise can help me manage my depression / anxiety. Exercise causes me issues, especially dissociation. But it also helps with depression. So I always think if I can just calibrate the amount of exercise, enough to get the mood benefit, but not enough to cause issues, then it would really help me.
I quite like exercise actually, though I avoid it because of the issues. I like moving my body, focusing just on breathing or moving, the rhythm of it, the simplicity, giving my mind a rest. I have been limiting myself to walking, since a half hour’s walk doesn’t trigger me.
Tonight I went swimming, partly as a way to beat the horrible heat. There is a brief hour of adult swim at seven every evening, so I went off to that. Drove – too hot to walk. I decided to only swim ten minutes – I counted eight lengths of the pool. Lovely cool water, and lanes! With no kiddies!
I could easily have swum more, but didn’t. I was trying to be aware of my feelings too, while swimming. I saw I do get anxious when my breathing is at all fast.
With swimming, too, there is the problem of having very few clothes on. Not that anyone has ever been too bothered with how I look – I’m skinny with small boobs. I was paying attention, so I noticed I’m a bit ashamed to walk across the pool in a bathing suit. Stupid, really, because I’m older anyway. There it is though.
At home, instead of ice cream, I made myself a berry smoothie. I’m all about health tonight. So now I feel very alert, that usual feeling I get after exercise. I’m not depressed. I’m hoping I’m not going to have the anxiety reaction I usually have.
Anybody else have issues with exercise?