Thanks to all who wrote supportive comments on my last – meant a lot to me. I read over that post, and it just jumps out at me how very critical I am of myself. As a commenter also pointed out.
So I am alone a lot. There are worse things. Like being in bad relationships. My relationships to date have been mixed, but I’m more and more reluctant to put up with relationship badness. So….I am alone a fair amount. But….it is not a reason to hate myself.
Luckily, I am a reader. Books keep me good company. As do trees….Even seeing other people, out and about, cheers me up sometimes.
Music is good company. It gives me space to feel my feelings.
My blog and other blogs are good company.
I did meet a friend and go for a walk today….I am grateful to have this friend. We talk about ordinary things, and it’s a good thing.
I know I can be a good friend – I listen, I care. I’m not usually obsessed with myself except when I’m overwhelmed.
I left a message for R, because he is someone I’d like to get to know better. I was very scared to call, so first I took a half a xanax. Shh…secret. Then I called my walking friend to practice, to make sure my voice sounded normal. You worry about that when you don’t talk for a few days. Then I left him a message, short, my voice was kind of soft but it was OK. Then when he didn’t call back I went for a walk with friend E instead.
R hasn’t called back but I am determined to be OK with that. It was a cell number….But he might be away. Or he might not wish to get together with me. Either way, it’s OK. I took a chance calling someone I don’t know well and I’m glad I did.
I am glad I’m taking the writing course. I’d like to practice in between classes actually, but I feel I need an assignment in order to write! I enjoyed writing my first assignment. I’d been quite frustrated the day I wrote it, work was annoying and boring, and I was very anxious for some unknown reason. Then I sat down to do the assignment – and all my stress melted away. I was completely absorbed in the task of imagining a child’s room and describing it. Writing just from my imagination did something nice for me.
Kind of funny. I’m leery of people and it’s reflected in how I did the assignment. We were to focus on describing a child’s room, where the setting reflects the character. The other students all put a child in the room and describe the room a bit, but also had the child involved in some way.
Me – it doesn’t even occur to me to put a child into the scene. I thought the assignment was the setting. So I describe the room, and the toys. The description paints a kind of a picture of the child, but there’s no child in the piece. Just a room without an occupant. Hmmm….is it my issues? People are missing from the picture?
Today it has finally rained, a real satisfying downpour, and it’s cooled things off a bit.