The dentist

I had to go to the dentist this afternoon. Just a cleaning and exam. Now I feel really crappy. People putting things in my mouth is a trigger – I know I always feel this way after the dentist. I took a pill to get through it, and also to modify the choking. I still choked a few times and had to rest, but it wasn’t bad.

The hygenist was very nice. At first I didn’t like her because she kind of giggled and stuff, but then I realized she’s just trying to be nice and she did a good job and she was nice and she was gentle also. And the dentist I’ve known for a long time.

So it was OK from the point of view of what actually happened. Of course after, once the lovely xanax has worn off, I get flashbacky. I’d arranged to call Ron afterwards, so I did that. As soon as I called him, the kid took over and I started crying. Kind of hard to have a conversation when you’re sobbing. Ron was his professional soothing self. Saying I seemed to be ‘in a very young place’. Well, no kidding. Of course the kid is going to be talking in this situation. That’s who the trauma happened to. Sometimes Ron just seems out of it to me.

I know I sound ungrateful. I am ungrateful. I am also grateful. Sometimes it’s good to cry, and I wouldn’t have cried if I hadn’t called Ron. I would just have felt horrible with flashbacks. Now I feel horrible with crying and flashbacks.

I just stayed on the phone five minutes then I hung up. Too much of a strain trying to talk while I can’t stop crying. I could have taken fifteen, I think that’s his limit for pre-arranged calls. Anyway. Someone in the world at least knows I’m going through something bad.

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6 comments
  1. First glad you were able to go through with the DDS. So glad you had Ron afterward to share. Do not feel bad about your feelings of the effects of your abuse…. it was not your fault. Safe hugs to you Ellen and your little one.

  2. Ellen said:

    Thanks JBR. It was good to call Ron afterwards. I'm not used to telling anyone about this stuff, so it was a good thing. Hugs

  3. Harriet said:

    It sounds like you did very well at the dentist, that is quite an accomplishment. Anyone who has dental anxiety, for whatever reason (my son has extreme dental phobia) has difficulty, and you were able to get through it. And it was a good idea to call Ron after the appointment, and you don't sound ungrateful to me at all.

  4. Ellen said:

    Thanks Harriet. Yeah, I did OK. I used to avoid the dentist and didn't go for years, but that doesn't work out so well, so now I bite the bullet and go. I wish your son luck. Calling Ron was good. take care

  5. Paula said:

    Oh, oh, dentist are quite something when one is traumatized. You have done well though. I love that you wanted/needed to share and reached out. Well done.

  6. Ellen said:

    Thanks Paula. I appreciate that you like the reaching out. It's hard for me to do, but then I do feel better. Hope you're doing well. Hugs

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