Contractor blues

Shush….want to know a secret? Today I ‘snuck’ out of work two hours early. Why did I do such a nefarious thing? Well…..there was nothing to do, and I’d put in 6 hours already of doing nothing, and it seemed like enough to me. I dragged my laptop home with me so I could log in to email, and there has been absolutely no email.

It’s the second week of my renewed contract in a new department, and I’ve spoken to my new supervisor exactly one time, and she’s sought out myself and my co-worker exactly zero times. We’re obviously a chore she’s been tasked with from above, and she feels little urgency in setting us to work. I worry guiltily that I should be seeking her out and clarifying expectations perhaps…but my tendency with new situations is not to push, and to let things emerge. I don’t know the situation, as I’m totally new, so I wish to be agreeable and helpful and not a pain in the butt if possible.

Today though, I did go looking for the boss, but she was in meetings pretty well all day, or talking with other people. Tomorrow in the morning, if I can’t find her at her desk, I will flip her an email asking if she would like to meet to discuss our project. I’ve put in a week of doing nothing, so now I think I am needing to take some action.

It is always a little nerve wracking at the beginning of a contract to try and figure out what is wanted without being a nuisance and a bother. As a contractor, I really am there to assist and not to ‘have my needs for direction’ or assistance take precedence. It’s different with full time work, but that’s how I see contracting. At the same time, I don’t want to waste their money completely, and produce little. It’s a balancing act.

Today the stock markets are taking a complete nosedive, so that is worrying, as I work for a bank. If the bank starts to feel pain, the first thing they do is lay off their contractors. I hope hope hope that doesn’t happen in this case. It could. Especially since my project has not really started yet – they could decide to scrap it. I am going to trust that will not happen. The downturn will not be as severe as in 2009 – I think it’s more of an aftershock.

So maybe it seems I should not be sneaking out early. But honestly, I couldn’t stay there another hour, I really couldn’t, my boss was in meetings until five, and I can log in from home, which I have done. I don’t think she will even notice that I am not sitting there, surfing the internet. Well, I feel guilty, but also relieved to be at home. Tomorrow I must go again and pretend to work I suppose.

I suffered on the weekend, but I think I got through the memory, or the part of it I had, to some extent, and I feel more normal today. I’m thinking therapy on Fridays is a good thing, because I can process then on the weekend, instead of needing to shut things down so I can go to work. It was not good for my work life to have to go in in the state I was sometimes the day after therapy.

I’m not yet missing Ron, so that’s good. I know he’s away, but it seems to be fine. Which makes sense, since ordinarily I wouldn’t see him again for a week anyway. Though with feelings, things often don’t make a whole lot of sense do they.

  1. A good friend of mine was contracting and they would over estimate the amount of time it would take her to get things done, so she had lots of time on her hands. She said its really harder to not have something to do than it is to have too much to do.

  2. Ellen said:

    Yes, it is harder filling in time, plus you feel guilty, at least I do. thanks Mary Anne.

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