Shush….want to know a secret? Today I ‘snuck’ out of work two hours early. Why did I do such a nefarious thing? Well…..there was nothing to do, and I’d put in 6 hours already of doing nothing, and it seemed like enough to me. I dragged my laptop home with me so I could log in to email, and there has been absolutely no email.
It’s the second week of my renewed contract in a new department, and I’ve spoken to my new supervisor exactly one time, and she’s sought out myself and my co-worker exactly zero times. We’re obviously a chore she’s been tasked with from above, and she feels little urgency in setting us to work. I worry guiltily that I should be seeking her out and clarifying expectations perhaps…but my tendency with new situations is not to push, and to let things emerge. I don’t know the situation, as I’m totally new, so I wish to be agreeable and helpful and not a pain in the butt if possible.
Today though, I did go looking for the boss, but she was in meetings pretty well all day, or talking with other people. Tomorrow in the morning, if I can’t find her at her desk, I will flip her an email asking if she would like to meet to discuss our project. I’ve put in a week of doing nothing, so now I think I am needing to take some action.
It is always a little nerve wracking at the beginning of a contract to try and figure out what is wanted without being a nuisance and a bother. As a contractor, I really am there to assist and not to ‘have my needs for direction’ or assistance take precedence. It’s different with full time work, but that’s how I see contracting. At the same time, I don’t want to waste their money completely, and produce little. It’s a balancing act.
Today the stock markets are taking a complete nosedive, so that is worrying, as I work for a bank. If the bank starts to feel pain, the first thing they do is lay off their contractors. I hope hope hope that doesn’t happen in this case. It could. Especially since my project has not really started yet – they could decide to scrap it. I am going to trust that will not happen. The downturn will not be as severe as in 2009 – I think it’s more of an aftershock.
So maybe it seems I should not be sneaking out early. But honestly, I couldn’t stay there another hour, I really couldn’t, my boss was in meetings until five, and I can log in from home, which I have done. I don’t think she will even notice that I am not sitting there, surfing the internet. Well, I feel guilty, but also relieved to be at home. Tomorrow I must go again and pretend to work I suppose.
I suffered on the weekend, but I think I got through the memory, or the part of it I had, to some extent, and I feel more normal today. I’m thinking therapy on Fridays is a good thing, because I can process then on the weekend, instead of needing to shut things down so I can go to work. It was not good for my work life to have to go in in the state I was sometimes the day after therapy.
I’m not yet missing Ron, so that’s good. I know he’s away, but it seems to be fine. Which makes sense, since ordinarily I wouldn’t see him again for a week anyway. Though with feelings, things often don’t make a whole lot of sense do they.