Some good things

@font-face { font-family: “Times New Roman”; }@font-face { font-family: “Verdana”; }p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Verdana; }p.MsoFooter, li.MsoFooter, div.MsoFooter { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 9pt; font-family: Verdana; }table.MsoNormalTable { font-size: 10pt; font-family: “Times New Roman”; }p.PPWT-Content, li.PPWT-Content, div.PPWT-Content { margin: 0in 0in 8pt; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana; }div.Section1 { page: Section1; Wrote this last Thursday…
 
I’m writing a post from work, as there is not a lot going on here this week, and one must do something.

A few more good things have been going on in my life and I want to get them down.
The woman who put together the outing group I attend sometimes asked me to go out to a movie last weekend. She is older, but we get along OK. I am happy to have another friend. A lot of my friends have no money whatsoever, but she started her own business and is still working there into her seventies. It’s nice to be able to go out places and not worry that we have to spend some money. And people who’ve been working have a lot of experience with life I find.
It feels good to know someone wants to be around me. She must like me to ask me to go to a movie. And we share an interest in movies, though we don’t always agree on what’s good and what’s not. She likes more plot-driven movies than I do. But I can watch plot movies also.
After the movie, she started telling me all about her past, her parents, her divorce. I’m a pretty good listener, and I didn’t say much. I am still trying to figure out what happened to me in my past, so I decided not to say anything much about it. It is too confusing, and I don’t want to scare her. But it was kind of tempting to unburden myself a bit. I think with abuse in your background, you get used to not talking much about yourself ever, because it just doesn’t feel safe somehow.
Anyway, it’s good to have a new friend to go to movies with sometimes.
Have I mentioned my job? It is a mixed blessing, but I don’t want to discount the blessing of it. They’ve again renewed my contract, so now I will have steady work until next April. The rate is decent, and I can work from home at least one day a week, meaning I can go to therapy with no problem.
My boss for the first year was lovely, a very nice woman who treated both myself and my co-worker very well. I have not had many supportive bosses in my life, but she was one, and I am grateful for that. She also was liberal in her praise of our work – a nice bonus. Thank you dear former boss.
Now I have a new boss, whom I’ve only spoken with once, so we’ll see. The workload is so light as to be non-existent for this first week anyway. So I’m putting in time here to pull down the paycheque. There are worse fates, as long as I can relax and not feel guilty. Really, what can I do? I cannot manufacture work, here at the bottom of the organization.
And the work, when there is some, is not as challenging as I might like. However, what with my current issues, it’s probably the most I can do right now. A job I can do with my eyes closed fits the bill when depression, flashbacks and anxiety hit. Though right now I feel well, and could do a lot more, that’s not continually the case.
And a third good thing is – I had a good dinner out with my son and ex-husband. I almost cancelled it as I was not feeling on top of things and had a headache, but I also felt guilty for neglecting my son, so I kept the date. My son is in the city for the summer and staying with my ex, and I’ve barely seen him. I really struggled when my son was a teenager and never really recovered, but now he is an adult, things are better between us.
We ended up sitting outside on the patio of an Italian restaurant, having a pizza and drinking red wine. The pizza was interesting, with ricotta cheese, and the wine was smooth and spicy. It was a warm night with a soft breeze, and it was a pleasure sitting outside in the warm darkness. And we all chatted pretty amiably. I restrained my critical side, and was as supportive as I could be, so the men both relaxed and also showed their best sides. There was just a good feeling at the table altogether…something that rarely happened when we lived as a family. 
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