After my therapy session last Monday, I was so angry and distressed, I sent Ron an email with my complaints. Four things I felt he did that were hurtful – he seemed to be pre-occupied with someone else’s problems instead of mine, he didn’t reply to an email where I’d said how depressed I was and I was having suicidal thoughts, and how when I wanted to discuss it he brushed me off, how he mixed me up with a kid part, and something else which I can’t remember now. Some other thing that pissed me off. Oh and I added a part about how I usually last six months with therapists, and then things usually fall apart.
So I sent it off, and he replied in less than two hours. I was thinking, if you don’t like replying to emails, you wouldn’t reply to a critical one very quickly at all, but with Ron it seems to be the opposite. He replied fairly kindly really, saying he wasn’t aware of being pre-occupied but that I should mention feelings like that while they were happening, and that he didn’t think he had brushed me off when I wanted to discuss it. But that it was important to discuss, so could we discuss next Monday. Something about how the feelings behind my email were important.
So he has made it all about me of course – my feelings that are being triggered, not his behaviour. But I guess it’s OK. He is taking my feelings seriously. I think.
I was very upset that he didn’t respond to the one email when it was really important to me to hear back from him. I really was. I haven’t written him at all this week, I just didn’t want to risk sharing how I feel and not getting a response.
OK, I lie a bit. There was one kid email, about kid things only. The kid part is not angry with him. Which he also replied to right away. I think I’ve got him worried now and he replies to everything pronto. LOL.
I haven’t wanted to write about anything since that Monday, not on the blog, not by email. I really felt let down and abandoned. I’m surprised at just how hurt I am.
So tomorrow I’m set for a complaint session I suppose. The angry feelings have faded by this time, so it will be difficult to muster the strength to complain forcefully at all.