Having a rough weekend so I composed this angry email to Ron, since it must be his fault I feel like crap. Not sending this one….
I’m mad you didn’t return my email for two days. How hard is it to reply to a mail? Hit reply, say jeeze that’s rough Ellen, see you Monday? Not too hard is it?
I hate being attached and dependent. Hate it. Hard on me. I want to tell you things but then I get mad when you do not respond.
I had a difficult weekend with memories and I was depressed. I feel like crap really I do. Why can’t you help me feel better? God I pay enough.
And I am embarrassed I sent that email about the pole. Horizontal or not, it’s a phallic image and I’m aware of that, though wasn’t thinking when I wrote to you. It was just this upsetting image I kept having.
And I wish I was dead. I had no suicidal thoughts for a week after the dentist, just body memories. Now they’re back. A part of me wishes she was dead. Cause for concern, at least for me, if not for you, since you put in your fifty minutes and that’s it.
But I like you anyways. You’re very good at following along. Probably have some crazy theories, but I can work with that if you can follow along empatheticaly. It’s a talent you do have.
God, what if I sent this? lol.
Well, I feel somewhat better.