Feeling

Woke up this morning at 5, heart pounding, full of fear. I try diving further under the covers, I try flipping on some music for calm. Nothing helps, so at 6 I get up. I have a firm breakfast routine, so by the time I’m half way through it, I feel a lot better. And an extra half hour is welcome in the morning after all, even if I’ll be tired today.

I’ve been listening to more music lately. I used to have it on mainly in the background, but now I like to  just listen and breathe. I find that really calming often. I can breathe, listen and kind of drift. It’s a way to practice feeling that is pleasant. Having music to listen to prevents some of the dark thoughts, and feeling things is OK.

Feeling things takes away the anxiety for me. The anxiety is on top, the feelings underneath. Not feeling is being in my head. My body and the world seem two-dimensional and a bit unreal. Feeling brings me back into my body – I feel I have a back as well as a front, I have legs as well as a head, and sometimes I can feel my heart.

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6 comments
  1. Great description. I think meditation is incredibly helpful when dealing with anxiety and/or depression. Well done!- Mike

  2. Paula said:

    Music is so very helpful. I will check the web addresses and will send you some which where recommended to me and extremely helpful.You got yourself truly good through the morning. Well done. You were aware, took action and recognized that it made you feel better. Great!

  3. Nechtan said:

    Hi Ellen,Your last paragraph sounds to me a lot like how I have read mindfulness to work- though I've not managed to achieve that in practice. Its good that you can find a positive way to channel it. Good also that you can find some peace in music too.That was a real bad way to wake up and very scary. I always find anxiety is harder to deal with the earlier in the day it happens but I have a problem with time- ie the day looks so long after. It is great that the breakfast routine did the trick. Routine can be a very helpful thing in terms of focus because I think half the battle is trying to move focus from within to outward.All the bestNechtanPS For some reason at the moment I can only post on some blogs as an anon even though I am logged in and able to comment on other blogs. Once I get that problems sorted I'm be less anonymous. 😉

  4. Ellen said:

    @ Cadan – what a sweet compliment, thank you.@ UH – Thanks Mike. Glad you can relate.@ JBR – thanks for the hug@ Paula – thanks Paula. Sure, the links would be great. I like most kinds of music.@ Nechtan – Seems you were logged in OK Nechtan. Yes, it is a kind of mindfulness. If you're like me, you somehow have to find the feeling under the anxiety…it can be difficult if you've never done that.It was scary, but as you say, I find routines great. I always eat exactly the same thing for breakfast for instance, and it works well for me. I know what to do without needing to think. Sometimes I think I need a dinner routine also, but maybe my life would then be too too boring…Thanks for the input.

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