I’ve been feeling worse rather than better since my therapy session last week. Sigh. Grrr….For this I am paying my money???
Plus, I’m now nauseous and again feeling like crap. I seem to have picked up some other virus. Also very fatigued.
Well now I feel a bit better, what with complaining non-stop.
For me, therapy always feels bad. Unless I stay away from any painful topic, as in my last go-around. I have a friend who absolutely loves therapy and says she’d go all the time if she could afford it. Not me. And it’s not that I don’t like Ron, either. I like him fine.
For me, any talk of the abuse I went through as a child just kind of devastates me. I end up feeling I’d be better off dead than alive. And I have worse flashbacks than ever. And it’s difficult to function.
Probably I should try and feel some of this in the actual session. In the therapy session, I just described a bit what had happened, but didn’t really get into my feelings. I’m always kind of trying to limit the damage of the session, as I know I’ll be on my own with all of it once I get home.
What I want is some way of working in therapy where I feel stuff while there, but then fade to normal when I’m home. I’d settle for a day’s hangover say. But then back to normal, even though normal is not so wonderful for me. Still, I’ll take it. That’s what I want. Doubt that’s what I’ll get though.
I think the theory is you feel the bad stuff, then it stops coming back to haunt you in the form of flashbacks and in other ways. But I’ve never yet gotten to the point where that happens, so from my perspective, I’m continually paying money to make things worse than they were.
Art: Fractal Art Gallery