Where is peace?

Sorry for the long break. I’m in a struggle with depression, as is mostly the case this time of year. I guess this year, I have the triple whammy of just having moved, so my life is quite upside down, working contract full time, where any day off means I lose a day’s pay, and the usual emotional stress of Christmas that I have every year.

Weighed against that however is the fact that I am solvent with no immediate money worries whatsoever. Phew, that’s a big one! So if I need to go for a cheering meal out, or a coffee and chocolate pecan butter tart, that’s always possible. It’s amazing how much more cheerful my outlook is after a decent meal, maybe washed down with some dense Christmas porter…

There’s a way of enjoying the season, the hustle and bustle, the lights….sometimes I do manage. Like this afternoon, where after buying one of only three presents I need to take care of, I ducked into a cafe for a tea. I’d bought myself a book – Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, with shorter stories also included. After a while, I settled down enough to slowly savour two of the stories, while sometimes pausing to listen in on shoppers at other tables, and doing some people watching. Just feeling that I was here in a big city, part of the hustle and bustle, just appreciating and enjoying.

I’ve also taken a few extra days off, starting today until next Thursday. Having to work non-stop just made me exhausted, so I stopped. Luckily there is no deadline at work, so I can book off whatever time suits me.

It’s easy to feel lonely and forgotten sometimes, but really, I don’t want huge family events. The two dinners I will attend will be plenty, thank you very much. Tomorrow I go to my parent’s for a big turkey dinner. On Christmas I have luckily been invited by a friend for dinner.

I think the secret to some happiness is going to lie in finding small moments of peace and happiness. I wish that for every person who reads my blog. And special kind wishes go to my insightful commenters – those little comments mean a lot to me. May we all find bits of peace and harmony over the holidays.

Photo: Vincent W. Hevern

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4 comments
  1. Annelise said:

    I wish you had Christmas in summertime like we do here – it might make it a little bit easier. But I also wish you peace – thank you for your company, your bravery and your wisdom this year. 🙂

  2. Have a wonderful Christmas and enjoy your two dinners! I'm only having one and seeing as I get to cook it, I envy you. Best wishes for a fantastic Christmas,Mags

  3. Hi Ellen,I know how exhausting work can be when you are also dealing with PTSD.However it's good that you've got your own place now and so you have a safe space for relaxing. It's also good that you've got enough cash to treat yourself from time to time. Both of these things help you to take care of yourself and have times for relaxing.I find at this time of year I need to use a SAD lamp because otherwise I get down. It also helps me to sleep better – by making the difference between day and night bigger so that I no longer live in twilight.It might be something you could look at. During the day I just leave one on my desk – a mini floodlight. It helps me to stay more alert during the day and that all helps.You've done a lot in the last six months and it's good to see. Every step forward is another step towards a fuller life.For Christmas this year I've decided to be anti-social. All the usual things my family want to do are very stressful (to say the least) for me and just tire me out. This year I've decided I just don't want to play. I've explained everything to the family and so I'm just opting out. Instead I'm planning to do two days of things that I find relaxing and enjoyable. I'm making some clothes and cooking some nice food. This year it feels important to take care of my own needs and not to compromise. Hope you have a good Christmas.Mike.

  4. Ellen said:

    @ Annelise – Thank you, and lovely to meet you! I had no idea you were out there reading, so welcome, and happy new year to you.@ Mags – Hey Mags. I do admire all the women who pull it all together at holidays…Don't know that I could do it. Hats off! Happy new year.@ Mike – Lovely to think of you taking care and doing things that make you happy at Christmas Mike. Seems like an excellent idea. Hope you had a nice holiday. Thanks for mentioning about the SAD lamp also – I have one too, but sometimes forget to use it. I do think it make a difference also. Thanks for the kind words.

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