On hiatus

This blog is on hiatus temporarily. But a quick update.

Things have predictably gone downhill. Any extra stress, and I get sick. I had to have a root canal, plus some fillings. And the tooth still hurts. But going to the dentist sets off flashbacks. So moving has not been going well. I don’t have benefits, so need to work as much as possivble to pay for all this.

I’m having severe fatigue – last weekend was mostly spent lying down.  Today, a holiday, the same.

I feel like a pile of woe. I am hoping to move tomorrow. Luckily I don’t have to do it all at once.

Also, I have been chewed out at work, and it’s not a fun experience. Not by my boss, but by a project manager who seems to be in charge of a presentation I and my co-worker had to put together. One of the things he chewed us out for was not working well together. It is true that we don’t. The co-worker has a kind of contempt for me it seems. He doesn’t understand that in communications the goal is not to show off how smart you are. The goal is to communicate clearly and smoothly. So he treats me as if I was stupid. I’m not stupid – I’m trying to do my job as a professional.

In any case, we got chewed out. Now I’m kind of worried about again losing a contract which I cannot afford. And it seemed to be going so well.

I will ask for a short meeting with my boss on Monday to discuss and see if she also has issues. Perhaps this can be handled.

In the meantime, I continue to pay rent for a new place that I’m not in. I’m lucky, my ex is being understanding and not charging me for my slowness. He doesn’t intend to rent out this apartment. He keeps telling me to re-consider, to think of the expense. But I deeply wish to move, though I will miss him sometimes. But we can still be kind of friends. He just won’t be able to vent at me anymore.

I have quit my therapy. Thanks to all who commented – very interesting and thoughtful comments. I deeply appreciate them.  I went one more time, and again there was mostly chit chat. I can’t remember much of the session, except how she wanted to know where my endodontist’s office is, and wanted to discuss how far away that is…yawn. I ended up really angry with her for wasting my money. I didn’t bother to bring it up though. It is true – when I bring up an issue, she does get better for a time, and I feel better. But I already did that. No more. I just decided right then to quit.

Probably with her you really have to bring topics to discuss and plunge into them. She will not propose topics on her own. I am shy to do that – I need encouragement. So perhaps it just wasn’t a good fit. She at least did no harm, except to my pocket book.

  1. gniz said:

    Ellen,Things will get better. Be easy on yourself.We are here and we support you.Aaron

  2. Ellen said:

    Hey Aaron,Thanks! Things have already looked up for me. I appreciate the kind words.

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