Apartments and banks

Quick update post. I’ve been apartment hunting. I can well afford to live on my own paying full rent, even in an expensive big city. So I’m taking the plunge, trusting that I will continue to have work. I’m spurred on by a ‘meltdown’ by my ex-husband last week….I won’t go into the details, but the upshot was that he felt he could throw me out of my apartment at any time, raise the rent, etc etc, which he screamed and screamed and screamed…

I don’t need that kind of thing anymore. And in any case, it’s too awkward, living in the same house as an ex, even if it’s separate apartments. And he needs to come into my place a lot, as he needs access to the basement…it’s not working out.

Very stressful for me. I just lost a job, found a job, am getting used to the new job. But it must be done. My friend is helping me look. Very nice of him. And it emerges that he enjoys driving around and seeing apartments – he finds it entertaining. There you go.

I’m trying to figure out what I can afford, and seeing what is out there in different price ranges. I’ve seen three that I could live in, so far. One was really quite beautiful, though it didn’t have a balcony, which is something I really want. And more expensive than I was thinking. One was in a cool area, but a house full of younger people, and I’m worried it won’t be quiet. But very clean and on the top floor.  One really interesting, top floor of a house, old, but smelled a bit like mice I thought.

At work, I again have issues. Of course. Really, I wish I could get a grip on what goes on at work. I guess I’m too wound up.

I’m finding the young Indian co-worker very irritating, as he doesn’t know the job, yet argues with me about every detail. A few days ago, I couldn’t stop myself from snapping at him. Then I apologized. Now I ignore him or kind of play the underdog, and he is very happy to take the role of top dog. Sigh.

How could they hire him? His spoken English is even not very good. This is the writer that will correct their grammar? Sigh.

At the same time, I need to keep a grip and not let irritation show. The manager likes this guy, finds him charming and young. It’s not clear that she will be able to tell good work from bad actually. Sometimes if an editor has very few changes, they like that better, it’s less irritating for them. And he will have few changes.

He has his good points…but I wish he knew the job.

Tomorrow is a big presentation of how we want to approach a ‘redesign’ of their documentation…Not my favorite thing to do. When I said that to him, that I am not good at presentations, he became condescending at once. Sigh.

I need to keep an even keel…not let my feelings show…as the most important skill in a bank is looking good for other people. Dress well, make your points with confidence, and they’ll believe you are good. Never make enemies or let your real feelings show. Never express irritation or disagreement.

It’s actually not a bad situation, just my usual difficulties getting along and playing the game. I actually think it’s worth playing, I just have a hard time doing so.

  1. diver said:

    Great news Ellen, a whole new re-beginning for you by the sound of it! As 'practical' and cost effective as your old domestic arrangements were, they sure had you tied to the past didn't they, alas, manacled to its habits and karma. Wow … "throw you out" … "raise the rent" … "screamed and screamed and screamed" … so sorry you had to suffer these assaults on your psychological security Ellen 😦 O well, a rebirth is imminent by the sound of it, how excellent for you!It sounds to me like you understand the dynamics of your new workplace pretty well and are managing things there just fine, as you say, "playing the game". Short of wearing a sari and walking ten paces behind your co-worker with eyes downcast … well, I'd guess it's not him you're struggling against, just his cultural conditioning. Guess you may just need to 'manage' him too, as one might a son?

  2. Em said:

    hi ellennot show your feelings. i know everyone must do that at work to some degree, yet where do they go? pugged up with the rest of the rubbish at the back of the brain. and we all wonder why we are so mixed up. my dad said to me once, dont show people what your scared of because they will use it against you. me being a dippy kind of person thought he was not telling the truth, of course people wouldnt do that, but i expect some do. glad you got a perspective on things at work, you play the game because you can see it. hope the new flat works out well.xxxx

  3. Nechtan said:

    Hi Ellen,Despite minor irritations it does sound like a whole let healthier place you have found yourself in. When I read this I am glad you didn't get a contract extension in the last place. It could well prove to be a good move.And the same goes for the house hunting. By the sounds of things your home life will be much better when you find that move. I've never been one for liking someone having a hold over me, or at least thinking they do. That move will give you a good bit of independence and privacy too.All the bestNechtan

  4. Ellen said:

    @diver – Thanks diver – I guess it is a big step, and I'd lost sight of that in the anxiety of trying to choose the right place. I think it's a move in the right direction!The co-worker is not that bad actually…@Em – It is a dilemma, how to handle feelings at work. I want to be emotionally healthy, but it's not accepted to show feelings. Maybe your dad was right for some situations – as long as you can be honest with your loved ones. Thanks!@Nechtan – Yeah, it was a good thing after all. And yes,I hate someone lording it over me. It will be great to move! thx for commenting

  5. Achelois said:

    I am quite jealous to be honest. I'd like to move, I keep thinking about it but for reasons too boring to go into its not really an option. The thought of having a choice about where I was to live, the decision making, all of it, … yes I am a little bit jealous. I haven't moved for 17 years and right now I feel as though I have backed myself into a corner remaining static in life. To throw out the old and embrace the new despite the obvious stresses (I stress about the minutuiae in life (sp) which is good displacement activity for avoiding facing up to reality! I'm sorry Ihave commented so long I didn't realise until i read your post that I really would like to move. It sounds to me as though moving will bring good opportunities. A certain freedom and I hope happiness.

  6. nurseconverse said:

    Hey, I don't know an awful lot about your living situation but it seems like a move would be good for both you and your ex. As for work, however irritating it may be, can you just keep your head down, do your own work to a high standard and let the other guy make his own mistakes? Sooner or later someone will figure out he doesn't know what he's doing! And let him be condescending! If he feels he has to be that way then he's probably not a very happy person.x NC

  7. Ellen said:

    @Achelois – I hadn't thought anyone would envy me apartment hunting! I'm sorry your circumstances prevent you from moving A…I too was stuck for a long time, but now I hope to be unstuck. Nice to hear from you!@nurse – You're bang on about letting this guy make his own mistakes. Till now, we were working too closely together, but I think we're going to start doing separate projects soon. I tend to want to help, but in this case, I think I'll but out and leave him alone. He'll survive on the strength of his sucking up, um, I mean people skills. I'm just jealous, he is in fact more charming than I can manage to be. Cheers

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