Silk

Today I bought a new dress. It’s printed silk, with subdued purple/white/green colours and an empire waist, which is supposed to be in style right now. I kind of bought it by accident, as I was passing through a designer boutique in a department store on my way to another department.

It is lucky to have it, as I have an interview tomorrow and my regular outfit is at the dry cleaners. I can wash this one – no need to dry clean. And it’s more summery than my other one. Plus I love the feel of silk. And it is a perfect length – just to my knees. Oh, what the heck. It’s worth the expense!

Clothes for me have always been an issue. When I was a child, my mother dressed us in hand me downs, so I always looked different from the other children, as the clothes would be five years out of date. I was teased, for that and other reasons, so I mostly withdrew socially.

When I got older, I never had much money, and never felt right about spending on myself. As a consequence, I never had things to wear for social occasions, and looked as if I didn’t respect myself in old cheap clothes.

I’ve been trying to change that. Buying clothes, and even getting dressed in the mornings, still causes me a lot of anxiety. When shopping, I tend to get in and out of stores as fast as possible, buying anything that might do so I don’t walk around naked.

But today, I took some time. I let the saleslady advise me as to what looked good. I bought a decent dress, not on sale, just something I needed that I liked. I think it was a good buy.

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12 comments
  1. Enjoy it. You deserve it and it will make you feel good at your interview. I really hope you get the job. In fact, I'm sure you will!Love Mags

  2. Susan said:

    So wonderful to hear your calm confidence as you meet your needs thus way. It sounds like a lovely experience Ellen!

  3. Yay!I've been through a similar loop about spending money on clothes. It gets even more interesting when I buy something with a view to customizing it or making something else from it.I'm now spending more money on clothes and cycling my wardrobe so that older stuff is given away.I'm about at the point where just about anything I pick out for leisure or work or dance is going to look nice on me. I now have lots of bright colours and patterns and a bit of flamboyance and originality.I feel so much better by dressing nice and dressing to be noticed rather than dressing to hide.This week I actually had to dig around for a dull shirt so that I'd blend in more at a work meeting. That was kinda a good place to be. 🙂

  4. Paula said:

    You are worth it. Happy that you gave yourself time and and advice. Keeping my fingers crossed for your interview. Hugs from Munich.

  5. Em said:

    hope you interview goes well ellen. im glad you bought the dress, go for what you instinctively like, i find that the best way.when i was a child i was tall and skinny so could never find anything that fit properly, i would try to find things but come away with nothing at times. i used to get so frustrated. now i select a few shops, that way im not endlessly looking around for things, i find that helps me. good luck. xxxx

  6. Ellen said:

    Thanks dear commenters, and sorry for the delay in responding.@Mags – Thank you. In fact I did get the contract, and your certainty was correct! May have been all about the dress…@Susan – Yes, I seem to be moving in the right direction, thanks.@Mike – That is a great place to be in. I have a ways to go with clothes – I don't have a great sense of what looks good on me, especially in the store. But I figure part of it is practice, and I haven't had much of that yet. I do feel it's important in my healing also though, to try and look as good as possible…like a valuable person.@Paula – Thanks :-)@Em – I was really skinny also. Now I wish I had that body again, but at the time it seemed a problem. Finding a few good stores seems like a good plan, otherwise things get confusing…cheers

  7. Paula said:

    Great news. Will be thinking of you and wondering how it goes. Love from this side of the pond.

  8. Ellen said:

    Hugs to you Paula…i'm excited for you about your wedding!

  9. Great news about the contract, but it's all about you. You got the job because you're good. The dress made you feel good. Cheers!

  10. re comment 11.43. It's Mags. I'll soon create a proper identity. I'm just too lazy to have done it yet! I do think it's a bit rude though, being anonymous for so long. And maybe a bit weird for you?Mags

  11. Ellen said:

    @ Mags- Well, maybe I did have something to do with it 🙂 And I have no problem with your lack of profile, though having a name is nice, so I know it's you!@Happy – thanks Happy. Nice to see you again.

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