In which I go to my group

I have been going faithfully to my new 12-step group every week. When I start something new, it’s my habit to go every week at first. It has been helping me to be more positive and is a kind of resource when things are bad – kind of a philosophy to cling to if you will.

We always go for tea afterwards. The person who runs the group is about my age, and we were getting along well. A little too well – I had the distinct impression he was flirting with me the last few weeks at tea. Most likely just to pass the time – we had some things in common. He’s a music teacher, with a past in computers, and I get on well with both types of people, in general.

That was fine, and I was flattered by the attention I must admit. I am no ‘babe’ and have never had to fend men off. Anyway, I’d basically forget about him for the rest of the week, and no harm done. For some reason though, last week I kind of ‘fell’ and he became very important. At the same time, he started to show he was actually not interested.

I got home, and was a mess of anxiety and, um, other feelings. So I’ve decided not to go back. My intention in going to such a group is to help myself and hopefully support others, but not to worry about some guy in the group and whether he likes me or not.

There is another similar group, bigger, but it meets Mondays, and I’m worried about getting home and to bed in time for work the next day. My current one meets Fridays, which is perfect for me. And I’d started to bond with the people there. And it’s a lot easier to get to.

This fellow that I’m worried about actually asked me after the meeting if I’d considered going to the other group. OK, I can take a hint. Right at that moment, I didn’t think there was a problem, but later at home, I did.

I have a sad history of unrequited ‘love’ or crushes, and I don’t intend to encourage any other such feeling in myself. It just brings me misery in the end.

Although I’m attached to the group, leaving is taking good care of myself. So that’s what I’m going to do.

  1. Ellen:I've changed my name but I've been through some similar situations recently. I've decided to stay with the group where I am. It's messier to stay but running away from the group is avoiding stuff that needs to be dealt with.If the group is good for you then consider staying. Just becasue things are complex with one guy is not enough reason to run away from the group.It's easy to run away; it's not always the best choice.Mike H…

  2. Ellen said:

    Mike, nice to hear from you! Hmm…you do make a good point. My experience has been that these things don't get resolved, but hang on endlessly in my own mind at least…but if it were to be resolved, that would be good.Food for thought – thanks for the comment.

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