There is a principle in design, back when I was interested in that, which is KISS. Keep it simple, stupid. Very valuable for improving photography. I need to KISS my problems with work.
I was just replying to Susan’s comment on my last post to the effect that I’m defining the problem, which is anxiety, pure and simple, and not whether I am competent or good looking or smart or any other thing really. My anxious ways of interacting may make people question my competence, but from my point of view, it’s the anxiety I need to tackle.
That’s something I really want to remember, because my ‘anxiety mind’ will keep suggesting that it’s other things that are the problem – lack of brains, lack of experience, blah blah blah. Nope. The problem is I beat myself up constantly, especially when I have to interact with other people. It’s like being attacked by the fifth column – the enemy is myself attacking myself.
It’s pretty difficult to relate naturally to people when you’re beating yourself up during the conversation. Sheesh! What a nightmare.
Today did not go as well for me as yesterday. Perhaps my description was a downer, but yesterday was quite a good day for me.
Today I ended up again irritating my two team members. Who are a little on the irritable side, if you ask me, but still, I wish to not be irritating. I would like them to like me.
I had a bunch of tasks to do on behalf of the team, involving fixing a template and emailing the larger project team about fixing some inconsistencies in the documentation. I thought I was supposed to check with them about the wording, but in the end, I guess I checked about too many things and became a bit of a pest.
Emails or people asking me questions don’t irritate me, so I don’t realize that they are annoying to other people. And I sometimes take things kind of literally, where someone else would just drop an issue, I keep pursuing it.
Anyway, in my eagerness to do the right thing, I probably checked too much. But as I am unfamiliar with this group, on the other hand, I really don’t want to send out an email that does not have the right tone, and that the writers don’t all agree on.
Ah well. This is small stuff. But one of my team-mates seemed to be unthawing towards me in the morning, and then was back to being dismissive by the afteroon.
And there was no one to have lunch with.
But I’m going to dismiss this from my mind. It’s very small potatoes. I did the best I could, and got a lot done in fact. The co-worker opinons are not the end of the world. (OK, this is from the therapy tapes. But I agree with it.)
I need to find a way to calm down and relax at work, so I’m not flooded with stress hormones all the time. It’s good to know that this is what I want to tackle.