I’ve been sick for the past week. Not deathly ill, but I seem to have some kind of a flu. It started with stomache pain and nausea, which I thought was from the therapy session I went to last week. However, then it progressed to aching legs and fatigue, so I guess it’s a flu. No fever though.

Just this evening I feel bits of cheerfulness returning. Tiny glimmers really. I find illness kind of saps the life force and even the tiniest task becomes a huge mountain to climb. For instance, I need to vaccuum my living room, so I put the vaccuum there, ready to use, and cannot make myself plug it in! It’s a ten minute chore, but I hate the noise it makes, so I avoid it. And thinking of vaccuuming, I start feeling more nausea, so it always seems better to lie back down instead. Silly. I am not deathly ill, just under the weather.

So I am surviving on brown rice with milk, applesauce and toast with honey. It’s amazing how much time is saved when you don’t need to cook or eat much.

I have talked to no one since the weekend, except a man from my social anxiety group whom I know slightly, who called today. We chatted for five minutes, and I told him I’d spoken to no one for days. I could call people, but I don’t feel like it. My natural shyness becomes overwhelming when I’m sick – it becomes really difficult to call anyone. I feel marooned on an island somehow. Even commenting on blogs is difficult at the moment.

On the weekend, I did finally make it to a film on the last day of the film festival. It was a cinema verite film from Chile. The action, such as it was, followed the doings of each member of a very poor family during one day. Wow, some lives are extremely hard. I can’t say I enjoyed it much, but it was a good and worthwhile film. Part of the trouble was I was taking gravol, coming down with this flu, so that added a drugged sleepiness to a very slow film. I’m glad I saw it in any case. Some films are not entertaining, but are worthwhile.

  1. Nechtan said:

    Hi Ellen,Sorry to hear you have been so poorly but it does sound like you are on the up again. It is confusing trying to seperate anxiety sensations with acutal illness. I'm glad you were eating as I remember I had a bad bout of fly and didn't eat for over a week which didn't help matters.That is a shame the film wasn't so great. Maybe just the wrong type of story for your mood at the moment. But then it is always hit or miss when seeing something new.Take care,Nechtan

  2. Ellen said:

    Thank you Nechtan. I hate being hungry, so always eat đŸ™‚ Yeah, I'm still not sure if this is 'all in my head' but as it's lasted so long i'm thinking it's an actual virus of some kind.

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