It feels like this


Lord knows, I am no poet. But this is what PTSD feels like to me.

First I feel tired
Oh so tired
I lie down, I stare at the trees outside
Dazed

I decide to get up
To be human I must feel
I start to feel

Sadness and tiredness – very bad tiredness
and sadness
and teary feelings

I get out coloured pencils
circles for sadness
blue for tears
red for no

No way
You can’t make me
I don’t want to do that

Tears
sadness tears and outrage

Stop it!
Choking and disgust
fear fear fear
blankness

No words
maybe it is not true
maybe it didn’t happen
It cannot be so

More tears more sadness more outrage

It seems it did happen
It seems it is true

This is what betrayal feels like

Art: Louise Lauzon

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2 comments
  1. Nechtan said:

    Hi Ellen,What you have written to me is extremely sad but in some strange way very beautiful too. I don't know if that makes sense. Obviously there is no beauty in the subject matter so it must be the way you have written it.Having never experienced it I am no authority on PTSD but in your poem it sounds a lot like grief. I hope all the steps you have been taking recently take you in the right direction to bring some peace into your life.All the bestNechtan

  2. Ellen said:

    What a lovely compliment, thank you Nechtan. Yes – grief fits what I was trying to express. And peace would be very welcome… Take care

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