I’ve noticed as I’ve sat in support groups over the years, about half the time people are talking about medications – brands, dosages, side-effects, what the doctor said…. It almost seems like a substitute for talking about feelings and real life. Is it safer to discuss dosages than depressions?
It’s certainly less personal. The brain is out there, it’s doing weird things, but it’s nothing to do with me. The doctor, the medication, the diagnosis…..my life? What’s my life got to do with anything. How I feel? The doctor says I’m doing better now I’m on this dose.
So this past week, someone said, not ‘I’ve been feeling sadder than ever this week…’ or even ‘I’m mad as hell at this thing that happened…’ but ‘I’ve been having medication issues. I know this because I’ve been crying a lot and my place is getting messy again. My doctor is going to increase the dose.’
I want to hear how you feel, I want to say. Not what your doctor says. Your life. Not the expert opinion. I can relate to pain, to anger, to heartbreak. I just can’t relate to serotonin at all.