Artist: Lorraine Peltz + lorrainepeltz.com
Still missing Mr. Wrong. Still furiously angry with Mr. Wrong. If I saw him, I believe I would spit and claw like a cat. Interesting that a man so afraid of and averse to anger calls up that emotion in so many people…
I’m actually feeling sheets of anger kind of coming off of my back. I figure, OK, I’m angry, it’s better than depression. I’m not moved to actually confront him again, so I’m not hurting anyone. It’s all about separation and moving on. Phoning someone to scream at them is not separation – it’s a painful kind of connection. So no phoning.
Social anxiety update – well, I’ve fallen off the wagon of meeting new people. I feel too down / irritable to meet anyone. I did read this ‘social skills’ advice though, which I just acted on this morning. With friends you do have, all you have to do is phone and say, how are you, what’s going on? To find out if they have plans for the day, if they want to do something together or if you can join in existing plans. It’s actually not as complicated as my fears make it out to be sometimes.
So I phoned my friend E, used above phrases, and within 5 minutes we had a plan to meet this afternoon and see ‘Doubt’. Doubt is not up to my standards of pure escapism, but it’s a plan, it’ll get me out of the house, I will talk to a real live person as opposed to nattering on to a skunk of an ex boyfriend in my head.
And Philip Seymour Hoffman is one of my favorite actors, an added bonus. Plus the film may be ‘art’, so hey, an expansion of the old noggin may be happening this afternoon.
Good internet advice on socializing. I’ll take it again!
Image note: This image, titled Afternoon Delight, reminded me both of the anger I feel leaving my back, and the healing possibilities of pleasure and distraction.