Pep talk

This post is about self esteem. My lack therof.

But wait, I have some. It’s just mislaid. I am OK as I am, by myself, even if no one else finds me wonderful. I can move on and deal. There are so many areas of my life that are important besides romance. I am making progress on fitness – a short run today in the cold. I’m running more and walking less, though going the same distance. I’m not as tired as I used to be after running. My legs are strong, my heart is becoming stronger.

I’m eating better. OK, I backslid yesterday with that salty TV dinner (yech!) but considering how anxious and depressed I was, it was OK. Tonight I cooked a proper if fast meal. Using hormone free meat, which tastes a whole lot better than the cheap stuff by the way. And I can hope the animals are treated a bit better than the totally mass produced meat.

I’m going out to things that interest me. I do better in groups than I ever have in my life. Considering I have social anxiety, this is a major step in the right direction.

OK, work is not fantastic. But I do have work. When I cheer up more, I’ll be able to bill more hours. This is work I found myself, not through an agency, which is the direction I wish to move in. I am at least supporting myself.

My son made it to University after a long struggle in high school. He is studying art and philosophy, which OK is probably not going to get him far, but he is interested. He is a good painter. I have an artistically gifted son.

I am dating someone who is quite decent and nice. So it’s not a love affair, that’s OK. It’s respectful, no one is getting hurt, we keep each other company.

The main things I need to do is sever my contact with Mr. Wrong and keep my head up. There’s an interesting world out there and I can do pretty well in it. No need to retire to my couch and spend hours staring at the ceiling. A lot of things in my life are working pretty well.

Keep calm, breathe, smile. My guru Thich Nat Hahn. Do not freak out. Life is OK.


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