I’ve missed Mr. Wrong all weekend. Yesterday, Valentine’s, I tactfully left him alone. Today he was busy all day. I miss him so much. It really really hurts. But I am not a girlfriend. Also, even if I was, he would still be largely unavailable. He ‘courts’ me if I withdraw, tells me how much he likes me, then disappears.
As long as I hang out with him, I will continue to suffer. Not that suffering is always bad. But…this kind of suffering doesn’t get me anywhere. It just keeps on going.
Love is not enough. If a person does not wish to be close, they won’t be. I must must must break off this ‘friendship’. I do not feel like a friend in any case. I’m not made that way, that I can stop loving and now ‘be friends’.
The idea is – endure the pain of losing this person. Then heal. The move on. It’s a simple enough idea. I need to try and implement this. Please, future self. Try.